Anger Management Techniques And Insights For A Calmer Life

What Is It?
What It Involves
Is It For You?
The Benefits
Helpful Products

What Is Anger Management?
Anger management is learning how to recognize and cope with feelings of anger healthily and constructively. This may include techniques for managing and reducing the intensity of anger and strategies for preventing and resolving conflicts.

Anger Management Involves
– Identifying triggers
– Monitoring emotions
– Relaxation techniques
– Cognitive-behavioral therapy
– Communication skills
– Conflict resolution
– Stress management
– Seeking professional help

Signs Anger Management Is For You
– Hurting others either verbally or physically
– Experience a great degree of stress from everyday external factors
– Always find yourself feeling angry
– Feel that your anger is out of control
– Frequently regret something you’ve said or done when angry
– Notice that small or petty events affect you
– Find yourself being irritable or mad more often than not

Anger Management Techniques
– Anger Management Therapy
– Identify the problem (self-awareness).
– Think of potential solutions (self-control)
– Consider the consequences of each solution (think it through)
– Make a decision (pick one of your options)
– Listen to music (with your headphones on)
– Draw
– Meditate or practice breathing deeply
– Distract yourself.
– Do Emotional Therapy
– Take a brisk walk
– Breathe slow as you count to 10 before reacting
– Remove yourself from the situation until you’ve calmed down
– Talk to someone about your feelings, preferably a professional
– Exercise or do something calming like yoga or meditation
– Write out your thoughts and feelings in a journal
– Think before you speak
– Once you’re calm, express your anger
– Get a daily physical activity
– Take a timeout
– Practice relaxation skills
– Slowly repeat all the steps above

Anger management is crucial because anger, if not properly managed, can lead to ruined relationships, legal issues, and even physical violence. It's normal to experience anger, but if you find it challenging to control or express it healthily, there is hope – assistance is available.

This blog post will delve into effective strategies for controlling anger and averting angry outbursts, including the advantages of anger management therapy.

If you struggle with uncontrolled anger, remember, you're not alone and there's no need for shame or embarrassment. Countless individuals face this challenge every day. However, this doesn't mean you have to accept it as a permanent part of your life.

A person learning about anger in a post about anger managements

What is anger management?

Anger management refers to how you manage or express anger. People who are good at managing extreme anger can stay calm in tense situations and control their angry feelings. They can healthily express angry thoughts instead of displaying passive-aggressive behavior or deflecting with sarcastic humor.

It’s important to note that if you lose your temper occasionally but feel bad about it afterward, this is not necessarily a sign of anger-control issues. Everyone has occasional angry outbursts, but for some people, these episodes happen more often than they should. Learning to manage your anger will improve personal relationships and mental health.

Learn to control your anger before it controls you. Because unchecked anger can lead to mental health problems. To understand more about anger, we suggest reading Uncovering the Anger Iceberg: Understanding the Hidden Triggers and Emotions.

A dictionary page in a post about anger managements

Definition of anger management

Anger management is a psychotherapeutic treatment for the reduction and regulation of anger.

Causes of anger

Everyone experiences anger, which can often be triggered by environmental factors such as interpersonal problems, noise, crowded spaces, and work.

People who are unable to control their anger may have an anger disorder or other mental health issues. People can get angry for different reasons. Each person’s trigger is unique. For some, it can be a frustrating day at work. For others, it may be the result of being stuck in traffic or dealing with other daily frustrations.

According to studies done on anger, people who are stressed out tend to have more episodes of anger towards their family members and friends.

While many people would like to believe that they only become angry when someone does something wrong, this is simply not true. Studies show that most outbursts start over small disagreements.

Physical signs of anger 

Here are some signs to know if you’re getting angry;

Is anger management for me?

If you find yourself feeling angry often, or if those around you tell you that your anger is a problem. You may benefit from anger management. Below are some points that will inform you if you require anger management;

  1. Hurting others either verbally or physically.
  2. Experience a great degree of stress from everyday external factors
  3. Always find yourself feeling angry.
  4. Feel that your anger is out of control.
  5. Frequently regret something you’ve said or done when angry.
  6. Notice that small or petty events affect you
  7. Find yourself being irritable or mad more often than not.

If you are an angry person looking to get more out of life, gain confidence, become happier with who you are, learn how to manage issues before they become problems, regain peace of mind, break patterns that don’t work, live up to potential, create sustainable change in your relationships, or increase happiness in your life then yes anger management classes are for you.

Asking for help is the first step in getting better and taking control of your life. It doesn’t matter what others may say. Seeking help to feel better about yourself shows strength and courage; it’s not something to be ashamed of.

Anger management involves

Anger management involves the use of tools and guidance to help you become happier and healthier as you learn how to understand oneself better so you can have a more fulfilling life.

One thing you learn is the use of mindfulness techniques which will help you gain control over your anger and identify triggers. It’s all about you learning new coping skills for when stress starts to creep in. Some people learn how to do deep breathing, meditation, exercise, or relaxation therapy techniques to assist in managing anger.

Benefits of anger management

There are many benefits to anger management.  For one, it can help you get rid of negative thoughts and reduce anger. It’s also a great way of expressing anger in a healthy way that will lead to a better quality of life. Because when you’re not always flying off the handle from being upset about something, your relationships with others will improve.

You can have a better understanding of what others want, improved empathy which leads to being able to cooperate with others for a more peaceful situation. As well as overcoming creative differences. 

Other benefits include new Insights and better judgment. As a result of your increased self-awareness, you are more inclined to take responsibility for your feelings and behaviors. You’ll evaluate frustrating situations honestly rather than deflecting blame and know how to control your anger before it controls you. Let’s not forget better health, as medically reviewed articles have stated.

Anger management help

Look for a qualified mental health professional with expertise in treating anger if you want assistance for your fury. They may give individual or group therapies. Psychologists are highly trained professionals who develop therapy regimens to fit each patient’s specific requirements. Controlling anger can be assisted by a licensed mental health professional.

Other options include an online anger management plan, books, and videos on anger management. Remember a family member cannot be a substitute for professional help, here’s where you can get the professional help we recommend;

A collage of images showing different anger management techniques, like deep breathing, journaling, or practicing mindfulness in a post about anger managements

Anger management techniques

Slow breathing can be used to reduce frustration and help control anger. Using mental imagery as a coping technique when experiencing high-stress levels to calm oneself down, as opposed to lashing out in anger at others. Breathe deeply while practicing a loving-kindness meditation to increase levels of empathy and compassion is a good way for anger management. Replacing anger with a healthy emotion could also assist to reduce high blood pressure.

Controlling outbursts of anger

Ways to manage anger

Controlling anger can be difficult, however, if you do not learn ways to manage your anger it can affect your mental health. Even sleep deprivation can cause more anger. Anger is a natural human emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. It’s normal to get angry, however, some people experience more uncontrollable anger than others and it can lead to mental health issues.

If you think about anger like an iceberg; nine out of ten times the first step is awareness and identifying what angers us and how we deal with those feelings. Anger can build up like steam in a pressure cooker and explode at the smallest thing or create more serious problems such as relationship issues or even health problems such as high blood pressure or diabetes.

When you feel angry or even mild irritation, use these methods as ways to manage your anger;

An empathetic therapist in conversation with a client in a post about anger managements

Anger management therapy

What is anger management therapy?

Anger management uses relaxation techniques and mental imagery to improve coping skills. This may also involve role-playing and exposure therapy, in which the therapist helps the client confront situations they fear or avoid because their anger may take over.

Therapists and counselors specialize in helping people learn how to deal with their anger healthily. They’ll be able to diagnose if your anger stems from other mental health issues. Don’t let your anger control your life – get the help you need today.

Some countries regard anger management therapy so important it is a mandated treatment for violent criminal offenses. It plays a valuable part in mental health and teaches them how to influence their negative thought patterns.

Anger management therapy session explained

A typical one-to-one anger management class will take place either at your home or the therapist’s office. You and your therapist will work together to explore if there are any issues from childhood that have helped shape your view on life and have contributed to the way you are today.

Focusing on internal events and looking at factors such as self-esteem, your emotional state, communication styles, or past experiences. These can help provide answers as to why this behavior continues. I may suggest anything I see fit which might be beneficial.

How long does anger management therapy last?

Anger management therapy is often about four to six weeks in length, although it may take longer. Counseling and cognitive behavioral therapy are both common forms of anger management treatment.

emotion chart in a post about anger managements

How do therapists treat anger issues?

CBT, cognitive-behavioral therapy, has been a popular treatment for anger for a long time and can improve your mental health. CBT is a type of cognitive psychotherapy that aims to help people change their negative or unhelpful thoughts and beliefs. Stress Inoculation is one CBT-based anger treatment.

This consists of instruction in how to relax effectively, coping skills training (learning what to do when someone provokes you), empathy training (learning to identify the triggers that lead to your anger), self-monitoring (recording when and where you become angry), and cognitive restructuring (exploring patterns in your previous responses). It also teaches you what physical warning signs to look out for when it comes to anger expression.

Unhelpful thinking styles are identified and countered, while helpful ones are reinforced. The therapist will also help the patient to identify positive goals or things they want out of their lives. At times, this process can be difficult for patients because it may involve changing longstanding personality traits. However, research has shown that patients who complete CBT show lower levels of anger compared with those who don’t take part in treatment.

Self-care after anger management therapy

Self-care has been scientifically proven to reduce or eliminate anxiety and sadness, minimize stress, enhance attention, decrease frustration and chronic anger, increase happiness, improve energy, and more.

From a physical health perspective, self-care has been scientifically proved to decrease mental health issues, strengthen a weakened immune system, lower heart disease, stroke, and cancer. From a religious standpoint, it may also aid us in keeping in touch with our higher purpose as well as understanding our role in the world.

Personally speaking, I have found that engaging in a regular self-care routine has helped keep me feeling more calm and relaxed throughout the day. It allows me to find peace by being more present with myself.

Self-care suggestions

Two friends in a supportive conversation in a post about anger managements

Helping a friend with anger issues

Help someone with anger issues

Although it’s always best to seek a professional, here are some ways that you can help someone when they’re angry;

Can someone with anger issues change?

People frequently modulate their conduct. However, individuals with anger issues may only change their behavior if they can take constructive criticism, make a commitment, and put in the effort.


Anger is a natural emotion that can be frightening when it gets out of control. Learning how to manage anger will help you lead a more fulfilling life while empowering others around you. The blog post has provided some great tips on what’s involved in managing your anger, and where to find support for this important issue.

We hope these insights have helped empower you with knowledge on how to better deal with your emotions—let us know if we can answer any questions along the way!

If you have received anger management therapy, comment below on how you have benefited and help individuals like yourself.


What Anger Management Medication Are There?

Antidepressants such as Prozac, Celexa and Zoloft are commonly prescribed for anger management. These medications work by increasing the availability of serotonin in the brain.

How To Handle Anger In Relationships?

In any relationship, anger is a natural and inevitable emotion. However, how it’s expressed makes all the difference. It’s OK to be direct and assertive, but avoid the temptation to be confrontational. Remember that the goal is always to resolve the conflict in a way that leaves both parties feeling heard and respected.


Pubmed: Anger as a Basic Emotion

How Anger Damages Relationships. Why your relationships fail

How Anger Damages Relationships
Negative Effects
Prevent Anger
Helpful Products

Anger can damage relationships in several ways. When people are angry, they may say hurtful things or act in ways that are harmful to others. This can lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness, which can be difficult to overcome.

Anger can also create a sense of fear and intimidation, causing others to avoid or withdraw from the person who is angry. Over time, this can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship, making it difficult to maintain healthy connections. Ultimately, managing anger in a constructive and respectful way is crucial for maintaining positive relationships with others.

- Loss of Intimacy
- Disrespect
- Divorce
- Separation
- Infidelity
- Abuse
- It creates an unhealthy environment for your family

- Lashing out at others without provocation or real reasons.
- Constantly blaming others for your mental health issues.
- Becoming increasingly hostile and aggressive towards people who disagree with you.
- Denying your feelings and responses to situations.
- Blaming the world for your anger problems.
- Making threats or ultimatums when dealing with a disagreement.
- Not being able to express yourself or listen to the perspective of others.
- Refusing to forgive and move on from past hurts and arguments.
- Trying to control or manipulate others through anger and fear.

- Talk to your partner
- Learn to identify signs of anger
- Take timeouts
- Find healthy ways to express your anger
- Practice forgiveness
- Mindfulness meditation
- Consider professional help

Anger can cause irreparable damage to the bonds you share with people. Out of frustration, a person can display negative feelings toward those closest to them, even if they didn't cause the anger. In some cases, this can cause hurt feelings, abuse, anxiety, and even the end of a relationship.

In this article, we will discuss how anger can damage relationships and how to manage it.

Negative Effects of Unhealthy Anger in a Relationship

Unhealthy anger

Unhealthy anger in a relationship can have a damaging and long-lasting effect. Some of the common negative effects of unhealthy anger in a relationship include the following:

Loss of Intimacy: When partners don't feel safe expressing themselves and their feelings, they may begin to withdraw from one another. Without healthy communication, intimacy can suffer, leading to a further disconnection between partners. [1]

Disrespect: Unhealthy anger expressions often lead to snarky comments and behaviors that can cause feelings of disrespect in the other partner. This lack of respect can damage the relationship and cause conflict if it goes unchecked. [2]

Divorce, separation, and infidelity: The accumulation of the adverse effects of unhealthy anger can sometimes result in divorce or separation. Research has shown that couples who experience frequent bouts of intense anger are more likely to get divorced than those who manage their emotions more healthily. Additionally, anger in a relationship can also lead to distrust and infidelity. [3]

Abuse: When you fail to control your anger in your relationship, it can result in mental, physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional abuse of your partner.

It creates an unhealthy environment for your family: Expressing anger violently towards your partner can create a bad example for your children. Similarly, it can instill feelings of danger in your home.

Why Is Anger Dangerous to Relationships?

Why Is Anger Dangerous to Relationships

Even though anger is a normal emotion, it can be dangerous if it isn't controlled. Relationships can suffer when emotions aren't appropriately addressed. Your ability to engage with your partner and handle disagreement.

Uncontrolled rage can impede communication and undermine trust in a relationship. Resentment and bitterness may result, fueling additional sentiments of rage and hurt.

Since anger can result in physical abuse, shame, and worry, it can have psychological and physiological effects. [5]

It may be difficult to escape the hostile environment that an abusive relationship can produce. Therefore, it's important to address any issues of anger before they begin to harm the relationship.

Did you know?

Did you know that hitting yourself when you're angry, known as self-directed aggression, is a maladaptive coping mechanism that can escalate negative emotions?

Warning Signs of Mismanaged Anger

When anger is not managed properly, it can cause significant damage in intimate relationships. Learning to recognize the signs of mismanaged anger can help to prevent these damaging effects and improve your life.[6]

The most common warning signs of mismanaged anger include:

  1. Lashing out at others without provocation or real reasons.
  2. Constantly blaming others for your mental health issues.
  3. Becoming increasingly hostile and aggressive towards people who disagree with you.
  4. Denying your feelings and responses to situations.
  5. Blaming the world for your anger problems.
  6. Making threats or ultimatums when dealing with a disagreement.
  7. Not being able to express yourself or listen to the perspective of others.
  8. Refusing to forgive and move on from past hurts and arguments.
  9. Trying to control or manipulate others through anger and fear.

If you find yourself exhibiting these behaviors, it’s a sign of mismanaged anger. But what steps can you take to address the problem before it damages your bonds further?

Let's find out.

Steps to Take to Prevent Anger from Damaging Your Relationship

Here are some ways to prevent anger from ruining your relationship:

Talk to your partner – Open and honest communication is essential in any relationship, and it’s imperative if you want to control anger. If you feel angry, talk to your partner about it before it becomes a full-blown argument. [7]

Learn to identify signs of anger – Try to recognize signs of escalating anger, such as clenching your fists, increased heart rate, or a tight feeling in your chest. These signs should serve as a warning for you to take a step back and assess the situation.

Take timeouts – If the situation escalates, take a break from each other. Taking a few minutes or hours away from the situation can help deal with your emotion and gain clarity on the issue.

Find healthy ways to express your anger – Find ways to express your anger healthily. This could mean writing it down in a journal, talking it out with a friend, or even taking up physical activities such as running or boxing.

Practice forgiveness – Anger can be corrosive and destructive if it’s not dealt with healthily. Make sure to practice forgiveness and let go of your negative emotions. This will make it easier to move on from the situation and change your thought patterns to a more relaxed state.

Mindfulness meditation - Practicing mindfulness can be beneficial in managing conflict between partners. It involves tuning into your body sensations and breathing to ground yourself in the present moment without judgment. It's a great way to create awareness around your triggers and reactions, allowing you to control how you respond instead of letting your anger take control. Additionally, mindfulness can help regulate stress hormones, which are often heightened when a person is angry. [9]

Consider professional help - If none of these strategies work, consider seeking professional help. An online therapist can provide impartial guidance on how to handle difficult situations and break the anger cycle.

Couple having a picnic

Restoring and Rebuilding Relationships

Restoring and rebuilding relationships after the damaging effects of uncontrolled anger require patience, effort, and a genuine commitment to change. While it may seem daunting, it is possible to heal the wounds and rebuild trust. Here are the key steps and strategies to guide you through the process:

Genuine Apologies and Taking Responsibility

Repairing a relationship begins with a sincere apology. Here's how to approach it effectively:

  1. Reflect on your actions: Take the time to introspect and understand the impact your anger had on the other person. Acknowledge the pain you caused and take responsibility for your behavior.
  2. Offer a heartfelt apology: Express your remorse genuinely and without making excuses. Be specific about the actions or words that hurt the other person and demonstrate empathy for their feelings.
  3. Show commitment to change: Explain your intention to manage your anger better and actively work on improving your emotional responses. Make it clear that you are dedicated to rebuilding trust and creating a healthier relationship.

Rebuilding Trust through Consistent Actions

Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires consistency and reliability. Consider the following strategies:

  1. Open and honest communication: Foster an environment of open dialogue, where both parties feel comfortable expressing their emotions and concerns. Encourage transparency and active listening to rebuild trust gradually.
  2. Follow through on promises: Honor your commitments and follow through on your words. Consistently demonstrating reliability and dependability will help rebuild trust over time.
  3. Be patient and understanding: Understand that rebuilding trust takes time, and the other person may still be cautious or skeptical. Show patience, empathy, and understanding as they heal and gradually trust you again.

Effective Communication and Active Listening

Improving communication is essential to rebuilding relationships affected by anger. Here's how to enhance your communication skills:

  1. Practice active listening: Give the other person your full attention when they are speaking. Maintain eye contact, nod to show understanding, and ask clarifying questions. Avoid interrupting or formulating responses in your mind while they speak.
  2. Use "I" statements: Instead of resorting to blame or accusations, express your feelings using "I" statements. This approach helps to take responsibility for your emotions without placing blame on the other person.
  3. Seek professional guidance: If communication remains challenging or the wounds run deep, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or counselor. They can provide valuable guidance and facilitate healthier communication patterns.

The Role of Forgiveness and Letting Go of Resentment

Forgiveness is a crucial element in the process of rebuilding relationships affected by anger. Consider the following:

  1. Understand forgiveness: Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior. It is a personal decision to let go of resentment and the desire for revenge, allowing room for healing and growth.
  2. Focus on empathy and understanding: Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Empathy helps foster compassion and encourages forgiveness.
  3. Practice self-forgiveness: Recognize that managing anger is a challenging process, and everyone makes mistakes. Practice self-forgiveness and let go of any guilt or shame that may hinder your progress.

Seeking Professional Support for Relationship Recovery

Sometimes, rebuilding relationships damaged by anger may require professional intervention. Consider the following options:

  1. Couples therapy: Engage in couples therapy or relationship counseling to address underlying issues, improve communication, and learn effective conflict resolution strategies.
  2. Anger management programs: Attend anger management programs or workshops to develop healthier coping mechanisms, anger regulation skills, and communication techniques.
  3. Individual therapy: If anger issues stem from deep-rooted emotional wounds, individual therapy can help you explore and address the underlying causes, providing support for personal growth and healing.
A couple taking a stroll in the sunset

Positive Effects of Healthy Anger in a Relationship

When used properly, anger can positively affect a relationship or marriage. It can help a couple understand each other and encourage them to work through issues together. [10]

Also, healthy anger can provide an opportunity for growth and understanding within a romantic relationship. Couples can use their angry moments to communicate openly and honestly about the root of their frustrations.

Additionally, expressing anger healthily can create a stronger bond between partners and help with conflict resolution. It allows them to acknowledge each other’s perspectives while maintaining respect for one another. This can build trust and intimacy, which are essential elements of an intimate relationship. For example, if a husband does wrong to his wife, it's perfectly normal for her to be angry and respond to create meaningful change within the relationship.


Managing your emotional outburst can lead to healthier communication and stronger bonds with loved ones. However, when anger is left unchecked it can create a rift between people that can be difficult to repair. If you don't want that to happen, take the necessary steps to manage your temper today and become your best self.

If you're worried that you may have bipolar disorder, you can take this quick bipolar test.

Meta Description

Being unable to control your anger can harm your relationship. Find out how anger can damage your relationship and how to manage this issue in this guide.


How Do You Stay Calm With an Angry Partner?

It can be difficult and overwhelming to deal with an angry spouse. Yet, it is vital to realize that even if one of you feels out of control, you both can establish a calm and polite environment. You can make your partner feel heard and understood if you take the appropriate approach.

Will I Ever Overcome Anger?

Yes, it's possible to control anger with the right tools and strategies. The key to overcoming anger is to identify the root cause of your anger and develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage it effectively. This may involve seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor specializing in anger management, practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, and learning practical communication skills to express your emotions healthily. With consistent effort and dedication, it's possible to control anger and improve your overall well-being.

Does Anger Management Work?

Yes, anger management techniques and therapies can be effective in helping individuals manage and control their anger. Anger management typically involves identifying triggers, learning relaxation, and mindfulness techniques, practicing effective communication skills, and developing problem-solving strategies. However, the success of anger management also depends on the individual's willingness to participate in the therapy and commit to changing their behavior.


  1. 6 Things That Can Cause Emotional Withdrawal—And What To Do About It
  2. Disrespect through Aggression, Anger, and Belligerence
  3. The Consequences of Anger in Your Relationship
  4. The Danger Of Anger In Relationships
  5. What Are the Effects of Emotional Abuse?
  6. Signs of Anger Issues
  7. Relationships and communication
  8. Feeling angry: Mental health and what to do
  9. Mindfulness in Moments of Conflict with Your Partner
  10. Sometimes expressing anger can help a relationship in the long-term

How To Not Lose Your Temper According to Science

How To Control Your Temper?
Helpful Products

- Understand your emotional triggers in your quiet timeu003cbru003e- Don't take things personally u003cbru003e- Practice deep breathing for a few momentsu003cbru003e- Take a timeoutu003cbru003e- Focus on the solution, not the problem

It could be with a person, friend, co-worker, or in a room full of people. It's easy to burst into anger when upset about a matter. However, after a few moments, you begin to regret the actions you took out of frustration and start doing damage control. Keep in mind you're not alone. A lot of people struggle with their temperament. So, how do you maintain your temper and remain calm in uncomfortable situations?

We'll also discuss the various forms of rage people express today and the benefits of counseling.

Helpful tip

Remember, uncontrolled rage breeds regret. Know how anger damages relationships and learn to express feelings calmly for harmony's sake.

5 Effective Ways to Avoid Losing Your Temper According to Science

Understand your emotional triggers in your quiet time

Losing your temper is a normal part of life, but it doesn’t have to be an uncontrollable problem. Once you understand your emotional triggers, you become more intelligent to act instead of react. [1]

It can be helpful to keep track of your triggers in a journal or on your phone. Write down the situations that make you uncomfortable and then think through them.

Once you know your triggers, you can start developing strategies for managing them. For example, if you know being around certain people tends to make you angry, you can take a break and walk away before your temper gets the best of you.

Helpful tip

Dive beneath the 'anger iceberg' to understand its roots. Explore unseen emotions causing anger to better manage reactions and foster peace.

Don't personalize

One of the main causes of feeling angry is taking things personally. This happens because of childhood trauma, poor self-esteem, or when we make assumptions about other people's motives and intentions. According to research, keeping calm and taking a step back to see the issue objectively will have a more positive outcome. Also, it's vital to reassess your relationship with someone if you realize they are actively attempting to hurt your feelings. [2]

Practice deep breathing for a few moments

Deep breathing is an incredibly effective way to relieve stress when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Not only does it slow your heart rate, it also provides a powerful mental refocus and can help you respond more thoughtfully in tense situations. [3]

When you start to feel that familiar wave of anger, try pausing for a moment and reflecting on your breathing. Taking slow breaths from your diaphragm can help release the tension and frustration building up in your body. It may not feel easy at first, but you will regain control of your emotions with some practice. [3]

Take a timeout for a few minutes

"Timeout!" Basketball players use it as a little break to unwind and rethink their next play. [4]

Taking a timeout allows you to gain control of your emotions before they get out of hand. Research shows that stepping away from the situation can help prevent negative outcomes. [5]

Depending on the situation, there are several different ways to take a timeout. If you're in a public place, moving to a private area can relax your nerves. Also, you could take a walk around the block or find a quiet time in nature to clear your head. Just five minutes of being away from the situation can be enough for you to regain composure.

Focus on the solution, not the problem

Focusing on the solution helps you stay calm and keep perspective. It helps you avoid getting sucked into a pointless argument.

Try to concentrate on the most practical and efficient approach to solving the current problem. This doesn’t mean ignoring or brushing the problem aside but instead focusing your energy and time on finding an appropriate solution.

Did you know?

Hitting yourself when angry can be harmful. Instead, practice mindfulness and calming techniques to cope with intense emotions healthily.
A couple who lost their cool with each other

How Not to Lose Your Temper When Arguing With Your Wife

Arguments between spouses are inevitable, but losing your temper doesn't have to be. With the right approach and understanding, you can express your opinions and feelings without letting anger get the best of you. Here are some unique and creative strategies to keep calm when disagreements arise with your wife.

Understand Your Triggers

Firstly, recognizing what triggers your anger is vital. Is it when you feel unheard or dismissed? Perhaps it's when you feel disrespected or unappreciated. Recognizing these triggers can help you manage your reactions more effectively.

2. Practice Empathy and Active Listening

Try to understand your wife's perspective during disagreements. Empathy can help defuse your anger and make your spouse feel heard and understood.

Use 'I' Statements

Communicating your feelings using 'I' statements can help prevent defensiveness and promote understanding. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try saying, "I feel ignored when I share my thoughts, and it upsets me."

Take a Time-out

If you feel your anger escalating, it's okay to take a time-out. This break can give both you and your wife time to cool down and gather your thoughts.

Seek Professional Help

If your anger continues to be an issue despite your efforts, it may be worth seeking professional help. A qualified therapist can provide tools and techniques to help you manage your anger more effectively.

A father and his daughter bonding

How Not to Lose Your Temper With Your Children

Parenting can be a challenging journey, filled with moments that test your patience. But it's essential to remember that your reactions can greatly impact your children. Here are some creative and practical strategies to help you maintain your cool even in the most trying situations with your kids.

1. Connect Before Correcting

Before you correct your child's behavior, make an effort to connect with them. Understanding their perspective can help you respond more empathetically.

2. Make Use of Humor

Humor can be a great tool to diffuse tension. It can also help your child see the lighter side of things, making it easier to discuss the issue at hand.

3. Teach and Model Emotional Regulation

As a parent, you're the first role model your child has. By demonstrating how to manage emotions, you're teaching your child to do the same.

4. Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Children may act out when they're unsure of what's expected of them. Clear boundaries and expectations can help minimize these situations.

5. Practice Self-Care

Parenting can be draining, both physically and emotionally. Practicing self-care can help you remain calm and patient.

2 kids fighting and who won't follow their parents direction

How Not to Lose Your Temper With a Sibling

Siblings often share a unique bond, but it can sometimes be punctuated by disagreements and conflicts. When emotions run high, it can be challenging to keep your cool. Here are some distinctive strategies to prevent losing your temper when interacting with your sibling.

1. Practice Mindful Communication

Effective communication can prevent many conflicts. Aim to express your thoughts clearly and listen actively to your sibling's perspective.

2. Develop Emotional Intelligence

Understanding your own emotions and those of your sibling can help manage disagreements better. This is where emotional intelligence comes into play.

3. Practice Forgiveness and Letting Go

Harboring grudges can often lead to explosive confrontations. Learning to forgive and let go of minor issues can lead to healthier interactions.

4. Set Personal Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. They help to ensure respect between individuals and prevent resentment.

5. Seek Mediation If Needed

If conflicts with your sibling become too frequent or intense, seeking mediation can be helpful. This could be a trusted family member or a professional mediator.

An infographic of the 3 types of anger

What Are the 3 Types of Anger?

There are three distinct types of anger: Aggressive, Passive, and Assertive. [6]

  1. Aggressive anger is often expressed as explosive outbursts, either verbally or physically. This type of anger involves name-calling, yelling, and even physical violence.
  2. Passive anger is the opposite of aggressive anger. Instead of outwardly expressing anger, passive anger is often expressed more passively, such as by giving someone the silent treatment or engaging in other forms of subtle manipulation.
  3. Assertive anger is the most effective way to express and manage anger. It involves telling your feelings respectfully and clearly while being aware of the rights and feelings of others. Assertive anger involves talking and speaking out while still respecting the needs and wants of everyone involved. It's important to recognize which type of anger you tend to lean towards, as this will help you deal with your emotions.

Do You Need Therapy?

Consider counseling to acquire better coping strategies if you believe your anger is truly out of control, affecting your relationships and other significant aspects of your life. You can engage with a psychologist or qualified online therapist to develop various approaches for altering your thoughts and actions.

While you're there, ask about their approach to anger management when you first meet with them. Check to be sure this isn't just a strategy to "bring you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be the exact cause of your issue.

You can take this quick bipolar test to check if you have bipolar disorder.

A man who can't control his temper

Personal Stories of People Who've Learnt To Control Their Anger


Gary, a 33-year-old man, discovered the potential of hypnotherapy through a friend. Despite initial skepticism, he found himself at a point where he had tried everything else to manage his issues without success and decided to give it a shot. His past, marred by childhood bullying and a strict, temperamental father, had left deep emotional wounds. This, combined with physical abuse from an older stepbrother and his experiences as a professional fighter, had made Gary a very angry person.

Even though his stature and strength had grown, his emotional trauma led him to react violently when feeling intimidated or cornered. Multiple charges of assault and attempted murder had led him to therapy and anger management, but these interventions only partially helped, and he inevitably reverted to his old ways.

In a desperate attempt to regain control over his life, Gary contacted Sonya, a hypnotherapist, and arranged a session with her. The meeting with Sonya was an emotional one, and he left feeling exhausted, yet with a sense that something had changed. Sonya provided him with a recorded session to listen to daily, which gradually lifted his persistent feelings of aggression and anger. The change was noticeable to those around him, leading him to make further positive changes in his life.

He began surrounding himself with positive influences, cut ties with negative individuals, and saw improvements in his personal relationships. His transformation, which began with Sonya's session, led him to a place of genuine happiness and calm, much to the relief and joy of his loved ones.

Read Gary's story.


Don't have unrealistic expectations. Learning how to control your emotions and stopping yourself from erupting like a volcano takes practice and patience. It can be helpful to understand what triggers your outbursts, so you can take steps to prevent them from happening in the first place.

Also, try looking into therapy - the benefits of therapy include better anger management, improved communication, and healthier relationships.

By following these tips, you can start to gain control over your temper and become more intelligent in your approach to arguments. With enough practice, you can learn how to argue without losing your temper and find better ways of resolving conflicts.


Why do I keep losing my temper so easily?

The answer could be that it’s a combination of factors. It could be that you haven’t taken the time to understand your triggers for anger. Alternatively, it could be that you’re not taking steps to manage your emotions or that you’re relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms. It could also be that you’re unaware of the warning signs of an impending meltdown or don’t know how to manage your emotions effectively.

How do you argue without losing your temper?

Arguing without losing your temper is no easy feat, but it can be done. First, realize when you’re feeling heated and take a few moments to pause and collect yourself. Take some deep breaths and try to remember that the other person isn’t attacking you—they just have a different opinion or perspective. Once you’ve taken some time to cool down, focus on communicating your points in a logical, respectful way. Ask questions if you need clarification, and be mindful of how you phrase things—try to avoid inflammatory language or personal attacks.


  1. How to Identify and Manage Your Emotional Triggers
  2. How to Not Take Things Personally
  3. This Is Why Deep Breathing Makes You Feel so Chill
  4. Basketball Timeouts
  5. Resilient Individuals Use Positive Emotions to Bounce Back From Negative Emotional Experiences
  6. Dealing with Anger: Types of Anger
  7. psycom: When Anger Becomes Emotional Abuse: How to Control Anger and Frustration in a Relationship
  8. Child Welfare Information Gateway: Tips for Parents: Dealing With Temper Tantrums
  10. SONYA HUDSON: Anger Management Success Story

Uncovering the Anger Iceberg: Understanding the Hidden Triggers and Emotions

The concept of the 'anger iceberg' is crucial to understanding why we sometimes feel intense, hard-to-control anger that can negatively impact our lives, including work and relationships.

In this blog post, we will delve deeper into the anger iceberg theory, exploring how it helps reveal the hidden triggers and emotions underlying our anger.

What does it mean to be angry?

Anger, a primary emotion, is often used to describe a wide range of emotional states. It could mean feeling frustrated, resentful, hostile, or even dangerous. Anger can be triggered by a certain event or person, but it can also arise from emotions hidden beneath, that are not easy to identify.

Remember that anger is a valid emotion.

Table with statistics on anger

What is the anger iceberg?

The anger iceberg is a metaphor used to describe the range of deeper emotions and experiences that are connected to our anger. The idea is that only a small part of our true feelings about an event or person can be seen on the surface, while most of them remain hidden beneath the surface.


If someone cuts you off in traffic, you may feel angry on the surface. However, if you dig deeper, there may be other emotions and experiences such as fear, insecurity, or resentment that are associated with this event but which remain hidden beneath the surface.

How to use the anger iceberg to your advantage?

Recognize the tip of the anger iceberg

The tip of the anger iceberg is when you see someone express anger in a physical way, like yelling, slamming doors, or throwing things. However, there are usually unexpressed emotions that contribute to this visible anger.

This is the first step to developing emotional intelligence. It's important you remember this, because anger damage relationships.

in a post about the anger iceberg

Identify any hidden emotions

The hidden part of anger icebergs is the emotions that cause us to be angry, such as fear, sadness, or frustration. By identifying these raw feelings and practicing anger management, we can begin to understand what is really causing our anger and address the problem at its root.

Understand your triggers

Things that can make us angry are called anger triggers. By learning about our triggers, we can learn to control our anger and other emotions involved. This means we can either stop ourselves from getting angry in the first place or deal with our anger in a more helpful way.

Start practicing mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and paying attention to our thoughts, other feelings, and sensations. This means that we notice what is happening around us and inside us without judging it as good or bad.

Becoming more aware of your emotions and how they contribute to your anger is important.

Develop strategies to help you deal with your anger

By developing coping skills, we can control our anger problem when we experience it. These could be things like taking deep breaths, picturing something calming, or counting to ten.

an iceberg with emotions in a post about anger iceberg

When will using the anger iceberg prove useful?

A therapist and her client in a post about anger iceberg

Seek support from a Clinical Psychologist or a Therapist

Both can help you explore your own anger with the anger iceberg, a model which suggests that beneath a person's outwardly expressed anger lies underlying issues and other complex emotions like fear, shame, and hurt.

By having healing conversations about the underlying feelings at the core of your anger with an online therapist, they can help you understand why this primary emotion arises in particular situations and provide tools for managing your mental health.


What are some unhealthy ways to deal with anger?

Unhealthy ways to deal with anger include shouting, lashing out at people, or blaming others for your emotions. These methods can hurt relationships and cause more damage than good.

What is passive aggression?

Passive aggression is a form of expressing anger without directly confronting the person responsible. This could look like ignoring people, procrastinating on tasks, or deliberately sabotaging someone else's work.


University of Rochester Medical Center Rochester: Anger Expression

Berkeley; Understanding Anger

Science of Emotions: Understanding Anger

Managing Anger for Better Health and Relationships

CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY: Gaining Control: Anger Management Group for Adolescents

⚠️ Disclaimer: The content of this video is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. Consult a qualified health professional for any medical concerns.