Why Do I Hit Myself When I'm Angry? Understanding Self Harm

Why Do I Hit Myself?

How To Stop

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Self-harm can be a coping mechanism for intense emotions, including anger. It may provide a temporary sense of relief or control, but ultimately can lead to more harm and negative consequences. It's important to explore the root causes of your anger and develop healthier coping strategies.

- Pay attention to what situations or emotions lead to the urge to hit yourselfu003cbru003e- Find healthier ways to manage your angeru003cbru003e- Consider reaching out to a u003ca href=u0022https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/SH9uu0022 target=u0022_blanku0022 rel=u0022noopeneru0022 title=u0022u0022u003etherapistu003c/au003e or support groupu003cbru003e- If certain situations or people trigger your anger, consider limiting your exposure to themu003cbru003e- Be kind and patient with yourself as you work to overcome these behaviors

u003cimg class=u0022wp-image-885u0022 style=u0022width: 150px;u0022 src=u0022http://shrinks-office.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Heal-from-self-harm.pngu0022 alt=u0022u0022u003eu003cbru003eu003ca href=u0022https://amzn.to/3Kj8hfTu0022 target=u0022_blanku0022 rel=u0022noopeneru0022 title=u0022u0022u003eHealing From Self Harm: A Journal For Self Harmers with Positivity Guided Promptsu003c/au003e

Feeling extreme emotions like anger and having negative feelings can be difficult to manage, and it can sometimes lead to outbursts of physical aggression. A person may hurt themselves in order to release the built-up tension, overwhelming emotions, and anger. This is called self-harm and can be done in various ways, such as by punching, slapping, or even headbanging.

Self-harm is an act usually seen as an expression of frustration and helplessness, but it can also be a sign of an underlying personality disorder or mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety disorders. It is important to understand why this behavior occurs so that appropriate help can be sought if necessary as it can lead to serious physical injury [1]

Why do people self-harm?

Understanding the reason behind the question "why do i hit myself when I'm angry?" can often be a challenging conundrum. The act of self-harm, which may involve behaviors such as cutting or burning oneself to feel physical pain, can seem unfathomable to some. Yet, it's a complex issue with a myriad of potential causes, each of which warrants careful exploration.

Self-injury often serves as a coping mechanism for individuals grappling with overwhelming emotions, persistent troubling thoughts, or high-stress situations. It's a distressing strategy employed by those who, in their intense emotional state, may feel helpless or cornered. [2]

Personality disorders can also contribute to the propensity for self-harm, making it even more complicated to understand and address. However, regardless of the underlying reasons or the emotional relief it may provide temporarily, self-injury invariably leads to both physical and emotional pain.

Moreover, individuals who struggle with articulating their emotions may resort to self-harm as an unconventional and harmful means of expression. At times, these self-harming actions might also be carried out as a form of self-punishment for perceived wrongs.

Here are 4 reasons why people intentionally hurt themselves when they are angry:

To regain control and shift attention
Impulse control issues
To let out words you can't voice out
Because you're angry with yourself

To regain control and shift attention

Self-injury is employed by people who struggle to maintain emotional and mental stability. Achieving such stability requires diverting your attention from a more pressing issue to one that is less urgent. Self-inflicted physical pain, such as cutting or burning your body, is a very intense and potent sensation. [2]

Some people who self-injure do so in order to drown out the tormenting thoughts that occupy their heads. They might, for instance, be suffering from PTSD after experiencing trauma as a result of physical or sexual abuse, mental illness problems, overwhelming feelings, substance abuse use, etc. Their minds might be stuck in a loop where the assault keeps playing out in their minds.

They hope to find temporary comfort from the stress of self-injury by focusing their attention on the pain of the wound.

Impulse control issues

Some people's ability to regulate their impulses is severely compromised by mental health issues or brain traumas. Because they lack the protective buffer that instructs them not to hurt themselves, they could resort to hitting themselves. It's possible that the person's mind will convince them that harming themselves is the best way to cope with whatever is making them angry. [3]

To let out words you can't voice out

When you're angry or frustrated, you may be dumbfounded and unable to express your emotions through speech or writing. This may force you to hit and harm yourself, hoping this action would make your provoker or sympathizer understand your feelings. [4]

You can take this quick depression test to know if you're depressed and start dealing with the condition accordingly.

Because you're angry with yourself

Sometimes, you may be the source of your anger. You may be disappointed with yourself for your failed dreams, constant struggles in life, and misfortune. This self-directed anger may cause you to hit yourself and inflict serious injury on your own body. [5]

Did you know
Intrusive thoughts can fuel anger, leading to self-harm. It's a misunderstood coping strategy for emotional distress.

A man asking a therapist 'why do i hit myself when im angry'

Unraveling the Psychology Behind Self-Hitting When Angry

Self-harm, such as hitting oneself when angry, can be a distressing and puzzling behavior both for the individual experiencing it and those witnessing it. This form of self-injury is often a reflection of deep-seated psychological turmoil, and grasping its origins can aid in developing healthier coping skills.

The Trigger: Anger and Frustration

Anger: A Complex Emotion

Anger is a fundamental human emotion that spans a spectrum from mild annoyance to intense fury. It's our response to perceived threats or injustices, and it serves to mobilize our physical and mental resources to confront or evade the threat. However, when anger becomes uncontrollable or chronic, it can drive harmful behaviors like self-harm. [7]

Frustration and Helplessness

Frustration is another powerful instigator for self-harm. When our efforts to reach goals or satisfy needs are thwarted, it can lead to a profound sense of helplessness. Individuals who grapple with expressing these feelings or lack effective coping skills might resort to self-harm, such as self-hitting, as a tangible demonstration of their frustration. [8]

Self-Hitting As A Coping Mechanism

Physical Pain as a Distraction

For some, the physical pain from self-harm, such as self-hitting, temporarily distracts from the emotional pain they're enduring. This feeling of physical pain can seem more manageable or tangible, providing a momentary respite from psychological distress.

Regaining Control

Self-harm can also act as a misguided attempt to reclaim control amidst overwhelming emotions. By choosing to inflict physical pain upon themselves, individuals might experience a fleeting sense of power and control that they can't find in their emotional reality.

Expression of Self-Directed Anger

In some cases, the anger that drives self-harm is directed inward. Individuals may resort to self-injury as a form of self-punishment for perceived failures, errors, or inadequacies. This action could be an outward manifestation of low self-esteem and self-reproach. [9]

Helpful tip: The anger iceberg illustrates that anger is often a cover for deeper emotions. Understanding this can help prevent self-harm during anger episodes.

The Cycle of Self-Hitting: A Call for Compassion and Understanding

Recognizing self-harm as an indication of emotional distress rather than dismissing it as a plea for attention is vital in offering the right support. The cycle of self-harm, especially self-hitting, can be challenging to break without professional assistance, as the underlying issues need to be addressed.

If you or someone you know is engaging in self-harm, it is crucial to seek professional help. Therapists and counselors can provide strategies to manage anger and frustration in a healthy manner and help build a robust support system for the individual. Remember, everyone deserves help and understanding in their journey toward improved mental health.

A man who inflicts self injury walking around

The Impact of Hitting Yourself When Angry

The act of self-hitting when angry, while serving as a coping mechanism for some, can have severe physical, emotional, and social impacts. It's essential to understand the breadth and depth of these impacts to appreciate the urgency of seeking help and breaking the cycle.

Physical Consequences

Immediate Physical Harm

The most apparent impact of self-hitting is the immediate physical harm it can cause. Depending on the intensity and frequency, this could range from minor bruises and swelling to serious injuries that require medical attention.

Long-Term Health Risks

Chronic self-hitting can lead to long-term health risks. Repeated trauma to the body can cause lingering pain, physical disabilities, or permanent damage. Furthermore, frequent self-harm can also lead to increased tolerance to pain, which might escalate the severity of the self-inflicted harm over time.

Emotional Consequences

Reinforcement of Negative Emotions

Paradoxically, while self-hitting is often a response to negative emotions, it can also reinforce these very emotions. It can heighten feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and self-loathing, creating a vicious cycle of emotional distress and self-harm.

Stress and Anxiety

The act of self-hitting can also contribute to increased stress and anxiety. Individuals may constantly worry about hiding their injuries or living in fear of their loss of control, leading to an added layer of psychological distress.

Social Consequences

Isolation and Relationship Strain

Self-hitting can lead to social isolation. Individuals may withdraw from social interactions to hide their injuries or out of fear of judgment. This behavior can also place a significant strain on relationships, creating feelings of helplessness and frustration in loved ones who may not understand the reasons behind the behavior.

To learn more about how to prevent this, I suggest reading "How Anger Damages Relationships. Why Your Relationships Fail".

Stigma and Misunderstanding

Society often stigmatizes self-harm, which can lead to misunderstanding and further isolation. Individuals who self-harm may face judgment or rejection, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair. [10]

Interesting fact: PTSD can result in self-hitting as a coping mechanism. It's a physical manifestation of the internal emotional turmoil caused by trauma.

A man experiencing extreme emotions and hold his face in his hands

How to stop self-hitting

There are several ways to stop self-hitting and other acts of self-harm, including seeking professional help, developing healthy coping skills, and building a strong support system. With the right help and support from family members and a therapist, it is possible to overcome self-harm and lead a healthier life. [6]

You should try to limit the number of times you inflict physical pain on yourself

It's not easy to just stop doing something. Substance misuse, physical violence, and other methods of self-harm are all ineffective for many people. It's possible that going "cold turkey" won't work for you. That's counterproductive since it may lead you to believe that you can't recover from a relapse despite the fact that you can.

Cutting down on how often you self-injure each week is preferable. At first, try reducing it by a quarter of the time. Then, when you are ready, you gradually reduce the frequency until you no longer engage in it at all.

Employ distractions to change your mentality

When we're feeling down, it can help to 'have something to divert our attention for a while. It's easy to give in to destructive emotions and urges if you give them a lot of thought and attention. Alternatively, you could try doing anything else in place of the harmful things you've been doing to yourself. If you sense the need to hurt yourself, distract yourself by going for a run, reading a book, engaging in a hobby, or laughing at a hilarious movie.

Talk to someone

Self-harm is a scary issue, so it's best to talk about it with someone you trust and schedule joint treatment sessions with a mental health professional. The best place to feel comfortable sharing is with a family member, a therapist, friends, or a support group, but these resources aren't always available when you need them. You can consult a reliable mental health professional through the internet for Online Therapy.

Conclusion

Self-harm, in its varied physical and emotional forms, requires early recognition and intervention. Open discussions with a trusted individual and seeking professional help are critical steps in addressing self-harm. The benefits of online therapy, for instance, provide accessible resources for those grappling with such struggles.

There is a wealth of online therapy options available, offering help right at your fingertips, making it easier for you to reach out for assistance. Remember, prioritizing self-care is fundamental for your mental health and well-being. Don't hesitate to make use of these resources to ensure you're doing what's best for you.

FAQ

Why did I start hitting myself when angry?

Self-injury can occur for a variety of reasons, including the need to vent frustration, self-hate, or resentment toward others or the need to release pent-up emotions.

Is hitting your head when angry normal?

Could this be considered typical behavior? Parents may become distressed if they witness their children engaging in head bashing. Nonetheless, pounding one's head occasionally is typically done for reasons of self-stimulation, self-comfort, or as an outlet for pent-up displeasure. This is not a precursor to any other issues.

References

Here's How To Tell Your Parents You Self-Harm

How To Tell Your Parents You Self-Harm

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- Choose a good time and place
- Write down what you want to say
- Plan for emotional support
- Consider involving a third party
- Have the conversation
- Seek professional help

15-Minute Focus - Self-Harm and Self-Injury: When Emotional Pain Becomes Physical

Self-harm is a complicated subject, and telling your parents about it can be challenging. The average age of onset for self-harm is 13 years old [10], and it is often used as a way to cope with difficult emotions, such as anger, sadness, or loneliness. [11]It's never easy to have these types of conversations, but having a network of friends or family who can support you and understand what you're going through is crucial.

Here are some suggestions on how to approach telling your parents about this in a way that fosters open communication and paves the way for emotional recovery.

Prepare to talk to your parents

Choose a good time and place

Choose a moment in time when your parents or a trusted adult are likely to be at ease and available and choose a quiet location where you may speak without being interrupted. Keep in mind that self-harm is more common among children who have experienced abuse or neglect [12], so it is essential to find a safe and supportive environment for this conversation.

Interesting Fact: Unhealthy coping mechanisms like self-harm are often used to manage intense emotional pain, offering temporary relief but causing long-term physical and psychological harm

Write down what you want to say

Writing down what you want to say will help you arrange your feelings and thoughts. You should mention how long you've been using self-harm as a coping mechanism, how frequently you practice the behavior, and what triggers you to hurt yourself.

You can also list your justifications for wanting to speak with your parents and any queries or worries you might have.

Practice what you want to say

You can also list your justifications for wanting to speak with your parents and any queries or worries you might have. Include statistics, such as the fact that about 2.5% of children who self-harm will go on to attempt suicide[13], to help your parents understand the gravity of the situation.

Plan for emotional support

You may need emotional support after the conversation, so plan for this. This can entail making a helpline call, speaking with a friend, or scheduling a therapy session. [1]

Consider involving a third party

If speaking with your parents alone makes you uncomfortable, consider contacting a dependable outsider, like a school counselor or family therapist.

As you and your parents talk, they may offer support and assist you in overcoming any difficulties that may come up. [3 ]

A girls parents found out their child self harms

Have the conversation

Start with a statement

To start the conversation, tell your parents you need to talk to them about something important. This can establish the conversation's tone and prepare them for what's to come.

Use "I" statements

When talking to your parents, try to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. This can help you express your feelings without blaming or accusing your parents. For example, you might say, "I've been struggling with self-harm, and I need help," instead of, "You don't understand what I'm going through."

Be honest and open

Being upfront and honest with your parents about your self-harming is of course crucial. How long have you been self-harming, what it is, and how it makes you feel should all be explained.

Be patient and understanding

Your parents may have a range of reactions and emotions to the news that you are self-harming. That is perfectly normal. They may be shocked, afraid, angry, or sad. It's essential to be patient, understand their responses, and give them time to process the information.

Try to answer their questions honestly, take hard time, and be open to hearing their concerns.

Be prepared for a range of reactions

The news that you are self-harming may cause your parents to respond in various ways. They can be alarmed, angry, or depressed. It's crucial to provide them time to comprehend the information and to react with patience, calm, and understanding.

When responding to their inquiries, do your best to be truthful, helpful and receptive to their worries. [3] [4]

A child who self harms talking with a family member

What happens next?

Seek professional help

Self-harm is a significant problem that can adversely affect one's physical and mental health. The first step in receiving the required support is to seek professional assistance. Think about conversing with a mental health expert therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist.[5]

Create a safety plan

It's crucial to make a safety plan that specifies what you'll do when you experience the urge to injure yourself. This plan might include strategies for distracting hurting yourself, reaching out for support, or engaging in healthy coping mechanisms. [6]

Involve your parents in your recovery process

Your parents can be an essential source of support as you work towards healing from self-harm. Consider involving them in your recovery process, such as attending therapy sessions or discussing strategies for managing triggers and stressors. [7]

Build a support system

Your ability to recover from self-harm may depend on the strength of your support network, which should include friends, family, and mental health experts. If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, consider contacting a support group or online community. [8]

Practice self-care

Self-care is a crucial component of your healing from self-harm. This could involve doing things you enjoy, like creating art or music, taking care of your physical health by exercising and eating right, and practicing mindfulness or relaxation techniques. [9]

Pro tip
When anger sparks self-harm urges, try deep breathing, counting to 10, or stepping outside. It's important to seek professional help if you're resorting to self-harm to cope with emotions.

Questions and concerns

Why are you self-harming?

Your parents might not understand why you hurt yourself. Tell them that self-harm is frequently used as a coping technique for dealing with challenging emotions or situations. Tell them that you want to get some assistance, so you can better understand and control your emotions.

Is it our fault?

Your parents may feel guilty or responsible for your self-harm behavior. Reassure them that self-harm and depression is a complicated issue frequently influenced by several factors. Tell them you are working on healing and don't hold them responsible for your self-harm.

What can we do to help?

Your parents might be curious about how they might assist you in your recovery. Let them know that their support and understanding are essential to you and that you may need their help accessing professional support or creating a safety plan.

Can we tell anyone else?

Your parents could feel overburdened and seek support from other family members or acquaintances. Discuss with them with whom you feel comfortable sharing your struggles, and with whom you prefer to keep your self-harm private.

How can we prevent this from happening again?

Your parents might be feeling curious about what they can do to help you from self-harming in the future. Discuss with them healthy coping mechanisms that you can use when you feel overwhelmed and ways that they can support you in practicing these coping strategies.

A boy explaining to his parents that he self harms

Recovery From Self-Harm: Personal Stories

Emily

Once, there was a straight-A student who had never received detention and held the position of head girl at her school. She was always pushing herself to achieve the best, even if it meant staying up until 3 in the morning to study. She felt an immense amount of pressure to succeed and believed she had no right to feel sad or overwhelmed. Unbeknownst to her, she was causing herself significant internal harm.

As a result, she started to self-harm, driven by guilt and the misguided belief that it would release the horrible feelings that had built up inside her. She worked hard to hide her struggles from everyone, not wanting to burden anyone else. Eventually, she found solace in talking to someone who helped her explore the judgments she was placing on herself, and defuse their power. If she could speak to her younger self, she would tell her to identify and understand her feelings, and that it was okay to feel uncomfortable emotions without judging herself for it.

View Emily's Full Story.

Kayla Chang

Kayla Chang, has been in recovery from self-harm for about four years. She shares two key elements that helped her the most during her recovery journey: accountability and creating a life without self-harm. Kayla emphasizes the importance of finding someone patient, encouraging, and supportive to hold you accountable for your actions, but also setting up consequences that you genuinely fear facing.

The second crucial aspect of Kayla's recovery was developing a full, meaningful sense of self outside of self-harm. As self-harm can take over one's personality, thoughts, and relationships, Kayla encourages others to challenge themselves to expand their minds and open up their lives in ways they couldn't before. She acknowledges that her advice might not work for everyone but stresses the importance of finding what works for you and making an effort to prioritize mental health.

View Kayla's Full Story.

Conclusion

It's important to remember while talking to your parents about self-harm, you should not be ashamed or embarrassed. Self-harm is a very common feeling and can easily be turned into a positive action by reaching out and speaking up. Taking the steps to explain this issue severely limits the cycle of pain and guilt self-harm can bring if left untreated.

To take further action on learning more about self-harm, we recommend taking the time to read Understanding: Why Does Self Harm Feel Good & Breaking the Cycle. It contains valuable insight that can help better inform you about the psychological force behind cutting or other forms of self-injury.

FAQ

What if my parents don't understand why I am self-harming?

Let your parents know that you don't expect them to understand everything, but explain how important it is for them to listen and be supportive. Consider talking to a therapist who can help work through the root causes of the self-harm and help your parents to understand and deal with it better.

How can I overcome my urges to self-harm?

Try to divert your attention from anxiety, to things like socializing with friends, exercising, or listening to music. You can also try deep breathing and relaxation techniques, journaling your thoughts and feelings, or finding a supportive online community.

References

Understanding: Why Does Self Harm Feel Good & Breaking the Cycle

Self-harm is described as purposeful bodily harm without suicidal thoughts. Common methods of self-harm include cutting, burning, and hitting oneself. Self-harm can feel good because it makes your body release special chemicals.

This article will help us learn more about why people hurt themselves. To understand why people might feel better after self-harming, we shall examine the science and psychology underlying it.

A woman who experienced child sexual abuse is feeling emotional distress

The science behind self-harm

Endorphins help make the pain go away, and dopamine helps you feel happy. When someone hurt themselves, their body releases those chemicals which distract them from their negative emotions. [1]

The psychology of self-harm

People who self-harm to hurt themselves have to cope with strong emotional pain. Even if they are unable to explain the reason behind the self-harm episodes, they use it explicitly to express how unpleasant their emotions are and see it as a way to punish themselves.

The physical pain behind self-harm can offer someone a sense of control and the physical sensation gives them a sense of relief from their emotional turmoil. The release of tension and the ability to take action to alleviate their emotional pain can be empowering and make an individual feel better for the moment. [2]

Reasons why self harm is an option

Physical pain lessens overwhelming emotions, such as anxiety or depression
To take back control of your life
Borderline personality disorder
Self-punishment for perceived faults or mistakes
Expressing intense emotions that are difficult to articulate in words
Coping with trauma or past abuse
Seeking relief from feelings of numbness or emptiness
Coping with feelings of rejection or abandonment
Seeking a distraction from emotional pain
Coping with perfectionism or feeling like a failure
Coping with pressures or expectations from others, such as academic or career-related stress. [3]

The paradox of pain

The physical pain from self-harm is a temporary escape from negative thoughts or emotions, but it can also lead to problems in the future. You might have scars or get sick from infections.

People who self-harm can get addicted to it, and they might do more dangerous things to feel pain. When we inflict self-injury, the physical pain feels good for a little while. But in the end, it only creates a cycle of more physical and emotional pain.

It will only make you feel worse and more depressed. [4]

Seeking help

Therapy

It is not just important to find a therapist who has the necessary experience working with individuals who practice self-harm, or non-suicidal self-injury, but also somebody you feel comfortable talking to. Therapy is not a quick fix, and it may take time to see some progress. It's important to be patient and committed to the therapy process, and Online Therapy help is a mere phone call away.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based therapeutic approach that can be profoundly effective in treating self-harm. It helps people find and change any bad thoughts or behaviors that might be causing the self-harm.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of therapy designed to help people who hurt themselves and act impulsively. DBT helps people learn how to be mindful, control their emotions, tolerate difficult times, and understand how to talk with others.
Family therapy provides an opportunity for people who have experienced trauma and struggle to communicate with their family members effectively, to heal. It can make it easier to talk, fix problems, and make the family stronger. [5]

Medication

Individuals who suffer from symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues may require medication to help them stop hurting themselves. [6]

Self-care activities

Exercise
Meditation
Spending time in nature
Journaling
Engaging in hobbies or activities that bring joy[7]

Overcoming Self-Harm: Personal Stories

Jamie Tworkowski

Jamie Tworkowski is the founder of To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA), a non-profit organization that helps people struggling with self-harm, addiction, and mental illness. Jamie started TWLOHA after he attempted suicide in 2006. He realized that he needed to find a way to help other people who were struggling with the same issues that he was. TWLOHA now has over 1 million supporters worldwide and has helped countless people find hope and healing. [1]

Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer is a comedian and actress who has been open about her struggles with self-harm. In her book, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy writes about how she started self-harming when she was a teenager. She says that she used self-harm as a way to cope with her pain and to feel in control. Amy eventually found the strength to overcome her addiction to self-harm and she is now an advocate for mental health awareness. [2]

Conclusion

Self-harm can feel good to some individuals due to a combination of biological, psychological, and emotional factors. While this act may provide temporary relief from overwhelming emotions, it is important to recognize that self-harm is ultimately harmful and unsustainable as a coping mechanism. Seeking support and understanding the reasons behind this behavior is essential for healing and recovery.

Don't hesitate to delve deeper into this topic by exploring our comprehensive article, 'Here's How To Tell Your Parents You Self-Harm.'

FAQ

Is self-harm a mental disorder?

Self-harm is not a mental illness. But it can be connected to other mental health problems like depression, anxiety, or trauma. If you find that you practice self-harming, it is important to get help from someone who knows about this problem.

Is it possible to stop self-harming?

Yes! With emotional support and the right therapist, any person who experiencing emotional problems can learn how to handle those negative feelings and emotional pain the correct way.