How To Be A Better Girlfriend For Your Partner 

Learning how to be a better girlfriend is crucial, especially when facing the challenge of a partner who emotionally pulls away from you. It's natural to feel rejected and unimportant in such situations, but it's vital to remember that you remain an integral part of your partner's life.

Despite the difficulties, there are effective strategies to improve your role as a girlfriend, even when it feels like they're pushing you away.

couple enjoying a peaceful morning in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Steps to being a better girlfriend in the mornings

Morning Affection and Comfort

photo depicting a partner preparing a morning routine in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Morning Routine Enhancements

A couple sharing a meal in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Breakfast Bonding

Pro Tip

Use "Ultimate Breakfast Cookbook" for diverse breakfast ideas.
 one partner helping the other get ready for work in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Preparing for Work

Pro Tip

Use a PIQOLA Customized Checklist Board for task management.
a couple saying goodbye at the doorstep in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Saying Goodbye

A scene of a couple in the kitchen in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Steps to being a better girlfriend in the evenings

Greet Them Warmly

Prepare dinner

Pro Tip

Use "The Busy Mom Cookbook: 15-Minute Homemade Express Dinners" for quick, flavorful meals.
 a couple on a bed, with one partner talking and the other listening attentively in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Ask About His Day and Listen

a couple enjoying a quiet evening walk in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Spend Quality Time Together

Steps to being a better girlfriend during a weekend

Sharing Breakfast

one partner is showing interest in the other's hobby or project in a post about how to be a better girlfriend

Spend Quality Time Together

Showing Interest in Your Partner's Activities


So, there you have it. Ways to be a better girlfriend for your partner. If you're feeling lost or something seems wrong in your relationship, read our article on All You Need To Know About Couples Therapy.

It might help you figure out the issue and how to solve it. We hope these tips will help make your relationship more robust than ever!


What do you think is the key to being a successful long-term couple? 

In any relationship, communication is critical. This is especially true for long-term couples who have seen and been through a lot together. Over time, partners can begin to take each other for granted and may stop communicating as effectively as they once did. It’s essential to keep the lines of communication open in order to maintain a close relationship.

How can a girlfriend become more emotionally supportive of their partner?

There are a few things that people can do in order to become more emotionally supportive of their partner. First, it's important to be understanding and non-judgmental, even when your partner shares something difficult or upsetting. Second, it's helpful to be present and attentive when your partner is talking rather than tuning out or thinking about other things.


  1. times of india; Why Being More Affectionate in the Morning Will Lead to a Better Relationship
  2. thrive global: What To Do When You and Your Partner Have Completely Different Morning Routines
  3. my morning routine: How does your partner fit into your morning routine?
  4. Eating Together Brings You Together
  5. Medium: Saying goodbye to your relationship
  6. Medium: Saying goodbye to your relationship
  9. pop sugar; A Relationship Therapist Says This Is the Biggest Act of "Real Love and Romance"

Tips On How To Be A Better Wife

Understanding how to be a better wife is crucial in the journey from getting married to staying happily married. If you're married, you're likely familiar with the excitement and love you felt while exchanging vows with your partner, eagerly anticipating your life together.

Despite the prevalence of outdated advice on what constitutes the ideal wife, much of it doesn't apply in today's world. However, timeless qualities like empathy, patience, and understanding remain essential for a successful marriage. For a marriage to thrive, both partners must be committed to self-improvement. In this article, we'll provide you with the best tips on how to be a better wife to your husband.

A tender moment between a couple in a post about how to be a better wife

Love Your Husband

This will seem basic, and you may think, "of course I love him; I won't be with him if I didn't." But, the love being talked about here is unconditional.

Loving him even when your feelings are hurt, in times of sadness or anger, when things are not going well for you, that is the time you should love him even more. [1]

A wife comforting or encouraging her husband in a post about how to be a better wife

Be Supportive

A supportive wife makes a happy husband. This is pretty tough because you may feel that some decisions he takes are bizarre or reckless, so supporting him won't be wise.

But think about it this way: has your not supporting him stopped him from taking a particular action? Has it caused friction between the both of you?

Even though you don't agree with his plans or decisions, it is best to show support. Let him understand that you have reservations about his plan, but whatever he decides to do, you'll support him.

If your husband sees you as a supportive wife, he'll feel comfortable sharing his ideas and plans with you, and it'll be much easier for him to listen to your opinion. [2]

A couple enjoying a shared activity in a post about how to be a better wife

Spend Quality Time With Your Spouse

Remember how you wanted to spend the whole day with your partner, just talking and cuddling, while dating? You couldn't get enough of each other, and you couldn't wait to get married to your "best friend." So what changed now that you're married?

With marriage comes responsibilities, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get together once in a while to do the things you love.

When you spend time with your spouse, you get to know each other better and discuss ways you could love each other better.

It could be a " staycation," a lunch date, taking a stroll, or even a vacation. The point is to create an atmosphere where you can give your husband your undivided attention. [3]

A romantic, intimate setting in a post about how to be a better wife

Never Underestimate Sex

Sex is an essential component of relationships. An anonymous gentleman once said, "Men are sexual beings. If your husband ever tells you that sex is not a big deal, he's lying. By just looking at a woman, we can get aroused; it just takes self-control to overcome such temptations".

Most men love sex. It helps reduce their stress levels and makes them feel loved. If your husband has a high sex drive, you'll have to adjust to meet his needs. Also, feel free to talk to him about it, don't be shy. "Is there something I can do to please you?", "I don't like being touched like this," "Do I meet your sexual needs?" Conversations like this may seem uncomfortable at first, but it's necessary.

Statistics show that men are more productive when having a great sex life. So, let your husband "get some."[4][5][6]

Be warm and affectionate

A wife can express love for her husband in various ways, one of which is through affection. Giving him a kiss or hug is an easy way to show him you care, but you can also probably write him a love note or do something more original.

Affection is vital in keeping a connection close and intimate, regardless of its form. A nice day can be made even better by showing affection, and even the busiest day can feel manageable with a long hug or a tender kiss.

Husbands tend to show their spouses the same love and respect if they receive themselves.

Be organized

A woman is capable of managing the daily operations of the home and ensuring that everyone has access to what they require. You should be able to complete tasks quickly and effectively and move on to the next one.

A good wife is a skilled multitasker. Try to find a means to handle different tasks at once or delegate some if you can't.

Cook for your partner

I'm yet to see a man who doesn't love a good home-cooked meal. No matter how woke you claim to be, you need to understand that cooking for your husband will forever be a big deal to him.

Make healthy meals for your husband. Don't joke with his food. This is one of the easiest acts of service in relationships.

Couple watching a movie in a post about how to be a better wife

Understand and practice his love language

There are five primary love languages-physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, and quality time. Even though every husband loves to experience these five languages, some are more important for most men.

For instance, if your spouse loves acts of service, making his favorite meal will mean much more than taking him to a fancy restaurant. If he loves gifts, buy him some once in a while, it doesn't have to be so expensive.

Say kind words, and remind him why you love him if that makes him light up. And if he loves physical touch, hold his hands, kiss him as much as you can. [7]

Don't prioritize work over family

Having a strong work ethic is essential, but it shouldn't interfere with family time. Personal relationships will start to suffer for those who spend excessive time at work rather than at home. Your children will believe you're more concerned with your profession and financial success than you are with them.

The balance between work and family life is something workaholics must achieve. Keep all work-related tasks at the workplace. Bring no work or other assignments home to finish after work.

A woman listening to her husband in a post about how to be a better wife

Be intentional about each day

Positivity should be your first thought when you awaken each morning. Consider the household's top priorities after being thankful for another day to live. Plan out your day's activities with a specific objective in mind. Savor the little things. Set a goal to compliment each family member or perform a kind act for each person. Whatever your aim for the day—big or small—is, reach it with optimism and a beaming smile.

It's not an easy process to become a better wife, so take it one day at a time.

Old couple laughing together in a post about how to be a better wife

Be romantic

Being romantic is being considerate and caring toward your spouse and making them feel valued at all times. It involves consistently performing little acts of affection, like leaving emotional notes about the house or surprising him with an excellent breakfast in bed.

Even if you've been together for a while, it's important to maintain the romance in your relationship. This could entail organizing frequent date nights or unique weekend excursions.

This can assist you in maintaining a good and solid relationship and serve as a reminder of the initial reasons you fell in love.

A couple talking in a post about how to be a better wife

Be a better mother

You can't be a better wife without being a better mother to your kids. Men love women who make out time for them and their children. Listen to your kids, take them on play dates, make sure they are comfortable, and just be there for them. Figure out a way to be there for your husband and children.

A mother interacting with her child in a post about how to be a better wife

Respect your husband

Always respect your husband no matter how mad you get. Try to express yourself without bruising his ego. Keep in mind that even when anger fades, your hurtful words may leave a scar.

Additionally, it's good to cherish your spouse at home, and even better to do so amid others. This will help boost your husband's self-esteem and foster a healthy relationship. [8]

A wife using a hammer in a post about how to be a better wife

Be resourceful

Being resourceful is a crucial trait of a good wife. A savvy lady knows how to manage her finances, use her imagination when few resources are available, and solve issues. She is constantly willing to help and is not scared of hard work.

If you can't assist your husband or contribute effectively to the family's growth, your marriage may suffer.

A wife apologies for her mistakes in a post about how to be a better wife

Don't be too proud to admit mistakes

Some women find it difficult to admit mistakes, which is wrong. If anything, admitting mistakes shows humility and would encourage your husband to admit his faults as well.

These little things matter a great deal to most men and make for a happy marriage.

Don't be selfish

If you're in the habit of always putting your own interests over your husband, you need to stop. Marriage is about compromise, and some wives forget this. Men are providers by nature and want the best life for their family, most times neglecting their own needs. [9]

A woman making coffee for her and her husband in a post about how to be a better wife

Don't forget the little favours

Helping your spouse out without expecting anything in return is a terrific way to make any household happier. That entails not even needing to hear him thank you for a favor provided.

Keeping count may lead to conflict as family members compete with one another. Similarly, simple tasks like putting out the garbage or taking the dog for a walk can make a significant difference.

A couple gardening together in a post about how to be a better wife

Share hobbies

As much as you can, share hobbies with your partner. You may not enjoy hiking or bowling but do it with him anyways, if that's what he loves to do. It creates a deeper bond.

Moreover, who knows? you may just fall in love with the hobby.

A family taking an photo in a post about how to be a better wife

Accept his family and friends

You can't have an issue with your husband's family or friends and expect him to be happy. Whether or not you like them, these people have been in his life longer than you, so they matter to him. It's even worse if you don't like his mom. We all know how strong the "mother-and-son bond" is. So, just do your best to accept them.[10]

A couple talking in a post about how to be a better wife

Listen to your husband

Men love it when women listen attentively to them. Whether or not you are interested in what he's saying, try to listen. It makes them feel like they are loved. Your actions speak louder than your words, so by listening to your husband, he, in turn, will learn to listen to you.[11]

An old couple laughing together in a post about how to be a better wife

Make your marriage fun

Have as much fun as you can. Marriage is not a prison! Play, laugh, cuddle, tickle, and enjoy your marriage. Your home should be a safe space for you. Forget the problems of life and create memories with the love of your life.

Life is meant to be lived! So, don't spend it being a boring wife.

A man fishing alone in a post about how to be a better wife

Respect his alone time

You may notice that sometimes your spouse wants to be alone, maybe to think certain things over or do concentrate on work. Let your husband have that time.

Don't try to be clingy or take offense. When he's done, he'll come around.

Be expressive

Being a good wife doesn't mean keeping mute. You and your husband are meant to be best friends, so feel free to express yourself when you're angry, hurt, excited, or even uncomfortable.

No husband wants a boring wife, and don't lose yourself in the quest to be the best wife.

Avoid third parties in your marriage

Not every marriage advice is good advice. As much as you can, avoid taking your marital problems outside your home. It doesn't appear awful to take your concerns outdoors or to talk to your friends about your marriage, but the truth is that you can not fully understand a person or know what lies deep within them.

When you bring your marital issues into the open, they may turn into a controversy that could end in disaster. However, if you're experiencing any form of abuse, speak up! Don't die in silence.

You can also read up on How To Be A Better Husband.

A couple playing with their son in a post about how to be a better wife

Benefits of Being A Good Wife

Happy marriage

By being a better wife to your husband, you foster a happy marriage. Also, the possibility of loneliness in a person's life is lessened by a happy marriage. Marriage provides people with a lifetime of friendship, which is quite rare nowadays.

Safer environment for kids

When the partners commit to being better versions of themselves, raising kids is easier. The kids grow up learning how to love and live peacefully. Compared to single parents, married folks offer their children a happier and safer household. [12]

Health benefits

Being a better wife would result in a happy home and this has health benefits.

Couples in a contented, conflict-free marriage experience lower levels of stress, which benefits their blood pressure, lower the risk of heart disease, improves sleep, increases resistance to illness, and overall healthier mental health. [13]


If you have doubts about your ability to be a decent spouse to your partner, getting married may seem overwhelming.

However, apply the tips provided here to foster a successful marriage. They will teach you how to be a better wife to your husband.

Every marriage is unique. Remember that your husband appreciates you just the way you are, so don't try to be like someone else.


What Are The Most Important Qualities For A Successful Marriage?

The most essential components for a prosperous marriage are communication, commitment, and intimacy.

Is It Difficult To Be A Good Wife?

No, it isn't. Still, it requires commitment and daily practice.


  1. Family Studies: When Religious Couples Pray
  2. Carnegie Mellon University: Supportive Relationships Linked to Willingness to Pursue Opportunities
  3. Marriage.Com: 15 Reasons Why Quality Time Is So Important in a Relationship
  4. Verywell Mind: How Important Is Sex in a Relationship?
  5. Psychology Today: 6 Truths About Men and Sex
  6. Oregon State University: Maintaining An Active Sex Life May Lead To Improved Job Satisfaction, Engagement In Work
  7. Woman’s Health: What Exactly Are The Five Love Languages? Experts Weigh In
  8. NHS: Raising Low Self-Esteem
  9. Evolved but Not Fixed: A Life History Account of Gender Roles and Gender Inequality
  10. Motherly: The mother-son bond is tender and unbreakable
  11. Sigh: Men Think Women Who Listen to Them Are Sexier by Time magazine
  12. Forbes: 10 Steps To Effective Listening
  13. Institute for Family Studies: When it Comes to Child Well-Being, Is One Parent the Same as Two?

How To Stop Being Judgemental

'How To Stop Being Judgemental' is a challenge we've all faced, whether it's dealing with someone overly open, constantly politicking, or trying to one-up others. In our daily lives, it's easy to judge others for their choices, but this isn't beneficial. Here are some tips to help!

A poor boy sitting in trash in a post about how to stop being judgemental

How To Stop Being Judgemental Towards Those In Poverty

Try To Understand Their Situation:

Comparison of shoe quality in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Put Yourself In Their Shoes:

Someone comforting a young woman in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Be More Compassionate

A woman standing up for others in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Speak Up Against Judgmental Comments

A woman educating herself in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Educate Yourself On The Causes Of Poverty:

How To Stop Being Judgemental Towards Other Religions

Acknowledging Your Own Privilege

A woman thinking in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Understanding Different Religions

Diverse people planning together in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Avoiding Assumptions

A woman thinking in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Learning About Other Religions

A young boy educating himself on religion in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Respecting Beliefs and Avoiding Assumptions

How To Stop Being Judgmental in the Workplace/School

Reflecting on Your Judgments

A woman reflecting on herself in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Self-Awareness and Understanding

Two diverse woman talking in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Active Listening and Presence

A woman realizing her mistakes in a post about how to stop being judgemental

Acknowledging and Correcting Mistakes

To help you navigate and enhance your interactions at work, I recommend reading How to Improve Interpersonal Relationships in the Workplace.


Following the tips above, you can train your brain to think more positively about others and yourself. The next time you find yourself being judgemental, remember these tips and try to turn that judgment into something positive.

However if you're struggling to make this change yourself, we recommend Online Therapy.

Questions & answers

What Would Happen If We Stopped Judging Others And Ourselves So Harshly?

When we harshly judge others or ourselves, it only leads to anger, frustration, and self-doubt. It's a very unproductive way to conduct ourselves, ultimately destroying our peace of mind.

What Causes People To Be Judgemental?

Some of the most common causes include feeling insecure and threatened, wanting to feel superior to others, or having a rigid belief system that dictates how they should think and behave.


  1. verywellmind; How to Be Less Judgmental
  2. psychologytoday; How to Be Less Judgmental Toward Yourself
  3. socialself; How to Be Less Judgmental (and Why We Judge Others)
  4. verywellmind; How to Be Less Judgmental
  5. Religious Studies Center; Learning about Other Religions
  6. psychologytoday; How to Be Less Judgmental Toward Yourself
  7. verywellmind; How to Be Less Judgmental
  8. psychologytoday; How to Judge Without Being Judgmental

Secure Attachment Style: Can You Cultivate A Long Lasting Relationship?

What Is It?
How It Develops?
Helpful Products

A secure way to connect with others involves trusting and feeling comfortable in close relationships. People who have secure attachment styles and relationships tend also to have optimistic beliefs about themselves and others. They also feel comfortable with intimacy, emotional support, and closeness.

When babies are born, they need someone to take care of them. They rely on their caregiver to provide food, comfort, and safety. When the caregiver responds to the baby's needs consistently, and with love, the baby feels secure and learns to trust that their caregiver will always be there for them.

Over time, this emotional connection creates a special bond between the baby and its caregiver. The baby learns to count on their caregiver, even when things are scary or difficult. This feeling of safety and trust is what we call a secure attachment.

- Comfortable being close to each other
- Comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.
- They can trust others and feel secure in their relationships.
- They feel confident in themselves and their ability to handle relationships.
- Able to be emotionally intimate with others and feel close to them
- They can handle conflict constructively.
- They can give and receive love freely.
- People who can forgive others and move on from past hurts.
- They have a strong sense of self-worth and feel good about themselves.
- They are comfortable with intimacy and do not fear being close to someone else.
- They don't need constant reassurance from others and feel secure in themselves.

- Able to regulate emotions
- Raise securely attached children
- Ability to manage stress and complex situations with poise
- Better mental health, including fewer bouts of anxiety and depression
- Improved relationships with partners, family, and friends
- Higher levels of trust in oneself
- Creating more trust in others
- Improved communication skills
- Ability to express oneself clearly and listen actively
- Improve your conflict resolution abilities.
- Better at establishing and maintaining firm boundaries
- Better social support and community bonding
- Better self-control and the ability to effectively take care of emotional needs
- The ability to be more intimate and form deeper connections with other human beings

Secure attachment is essential for human development and having healthy personal relationships. But what does it mean to be a secure person and to have a secure attachment style? And how can you develop one?

This article will explore the characteristics and benefits of a secure attachment style. We will also provide some tips for the secure attachment process and cultivating it.

A couple doing the tango

What is a secure attachment style?

A secure way to connect with others involves trusting and feeling comfortable in close relationships. People who have secure attachment styles and relationships tend also to have optimistic beliefs about themselves and others. They also feel comfortable with intimacy, emotional support, and closeness.

Individuals with a secure attachment style usually had caregivers who were continually responsive to their needs and established a sense of safety and security during their early childhood. This nurtured a sense of trust and security in close relationships throughout their lives.

People who exhibit secure attachment style traits are characterized by the following:

An example of adult relationships with people who are securely attached in their intimate relationship

How does a secure attachment develop?

According to attachment theory, when babies are born, they need someone to take care of them. They rely on their caregiver to provide food, comfort, and safety. When the caregiver responds to the baby's needs consistently, and with love, the baby feels secure and learns to trust that their caregiver will always be there for them.

Over time, this emotional connection creates a special bond between the baby and its caregiver. The baby learns to count on their caregiver, even when things are scary or difficult. This feeling of safety and trust is what we call a secure attachment. [2]

Helpful tip

Embrace self-care and mindfulness to ease anxiety. Recognizing your anxious-avoidant attachment style is the first step to healthier relationships!
A mother holding her child

Navigating the Journey of Secure Attachment: From Cradle to Adulthood

Secure attachment is the cornerstone of healthy emotional development. But how does this journey evolve from infancy to adulthood? Let's traverse this intriguing pathway.

The Dawn of Secure Attachment: Infancy

The saga of secure attachment begins in the crib. As babies, we're vulnerable beings, completely dependent on our caregivers for our most basic needs. Whether it's hunger, discomfort, or just a need for cuddles, we communicate these needs through our first language - crying.

The magic happens when the caregiver responds consistently. When a baby's cry is met with a warm, loving response, a message is sent: "The world is safe. You can trust that your needs will be met."

This trust, cultivated in infancy, sets the stage for a secure attachment style.

The Voyage Continues: Childhood

As babies transition into childhood, their world expands. Securely attached children carry the trust instilled in infancy into their new experiences. They're confident explorers, knowing they have a secure base to return to - their caregiver.

Children with secure attachments are also better equipped to handle emotions. They learn that it's okay to express feelings and that comfort is available when things get tough.

The Culmination: Adulthood

In adulthood, the seeds of secure attachment sown in early years bear fruit. Securely attached adults find it easier to form close, intimate relationships. They're comfortable expressing their feelings and are not afraid of being rejected or overwhelmed.

They also have a positive view of themselves and others. They believe they're worthy of love and trust that others are reliable and good-intentioned.

A couple holding hands on the beach

Understanding Secure Attachment Thought Patterns

Secure attachment is marked by confidence, independence, and emotional balance in relationships. It forms a foundation of trust, allowing for open communication and fostering a sense of safety. Understanding the thought patterns of those with secure attachments can provide useful insight into healthy emotional habits.

Confidence in Communication

People with secure attachments tend to have a relaxed approach to communication. They send messages without the compulsion to immediately check for a reply. They trust that the recipient will respond when they can, freeing them from the need to constantly monitor their phones. They don't associate delays in responses with negative implications about their relationship or the other person's feelings towards them.

Understanding of Personal Space

Those with secure attachment understand that everyone has a life outside their relationship. They respect personal space and time, and don't feel threatened if they are not in constant communication with their partners. They know that not being glued to their phones or chatting every day doesn't signify a decrease in affection or interest.

Self-Reliance and Personal Interest

Securely attached individuals value their independence and have their own hobbies, interests, and relationships outside their partnerships. They center their lives around their own personal growth and development. They believe in balancing their time between their partners and other aspects of their lives.

Setting Healthy Expectations

Setting unrealistic limits or expecting constant communication can lead to unhealthy habits and cause unnecessary stress in a relationship. Those with secure attachments understand that a delay in response doesn't necessarily mean a lack of interest or care. It simply means the other person hasn't gotten around to responding yet. They maintain healthy expectations and don't rush to negative conclusions based on minimal evidence. [6]

An elderly couple staking a scroll

What are the signs of a secure attachment style?

An elderly couple enjoying their time together

Benefits of a secure attachment style

The Secure Attachment Approach to Ghosting

When one encounter ghosting, the reaction varies greatly based on attachment styles. A securely attached person, who trusts in the dependability and goodwill of others, is likely to navigate the situation differently.

For instance, imagine a situation where someone you've had a great time with, who expressed a desire to be friends, suddenly ghosted you after you brought up certain past events that hurt you. As a securely attached individual, one might handle the situation like this:

Immediate Feedback

Securely attached individuals give immediate feedback when hurt. They don't wait to bring it up later as something that "has hurt in the past". The issue is addressed then and there, potentially avoiding the ghosting scenario altogether.

Maintaining Integrity

If ghosted, securely attached individuals may initially believe that there must be an unknown reason that explains the sudden disappearance. They might reach out to the person who ghosted them, and if there's no response, they would likely give them space.

Self-Reflection and Acceptance

If the ghosting continues, a securely attached individual might start reevaluating their perception of the person who ghosted them. They might conclude that they had an unrealistic idea of the ghoster's integrity and consider it a sign of weak communication skills, which they would find unattractive.

Moving On

Eventually, they would accept that they've been ghosted and conclude that the ghoster isn't someone they'd want to maintain a relationship with. They'd see it as an opportunity to learn and grow and not take the ghoster's behavior too personally. [7]

How to develop a secure attachment style?

Helpful tip

Deep breaths and self-awareness are key in managing your temper. Remember, your anger is valid, but it's how you express it that matters most.
A couple having a serious conversation about boundaries

Mastering the Art of Boundary Setting for Secure Attachment

Boundaries are invisible lines we draw to define our personal space, time, and emotional capacity. By setting clear boundaries, we can shift away from people-pleasing behaviors and move towards a secure attachment style.

Understanding Boundaries: A Practical Scenario

Let's consider a simple example to understand boundaries better. Imagine you agree to help someone but later realize that you're not available for the task. Instead of feeling obligated and resentful, you communicate the change of plan. This step of standing up for your needs is setting a boundary.

Key Takeaways:

The Spectrum of Boundaries: From Work to Relationships

Boundaries at the Workplace

In the professional context, setting boundaries might mean adhering strictly to your work schedule, ensuring that requests from colleagues do not intrude into your personal time. This helps maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Boundaries in Romantic Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, boundary setting involves acknowledging personal needs and self-worth. Individuals who have a healthy sense of self are better equipped to maintain their boundaries in relationships.

Key Takeaways:

Boundary Setting: A Hurdle for People Pleasers

For people who are used to pleasing others, setting boundaries can be a daunting task. They often struggle with issues of self-worth and find it difficult to assert their needs, leading to situations where they feel exploited or emotionally drained.

The Crucial Role of Self-Awareness in Boundary Setting

Becoming more self-aware is an essential step in setting healthy boundaries. This involves understanding the root causes of certain behaviors and recognizing personal patterns. One effective method is maintaining an impulse log, which can help identify triggers for particular reactions and learn from past experiences.

For instance, if you notice that you tend to lash out when your emotional needs are unmet, recognizing this pattern allows you to communicate your needs more effectively and establish boundaries to protect your emotional health.

Key Takeaways:

Interesting tip: Setting boundaries enhances your self-esteem and autonomy. One of the many benefits of therapy is helping you learn and maintain those boundaries.

People With A Secure Attachment Style Have Healthier Relationships

People with a secure attachment style tend to have healthier relationships as compared to those with insecure attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized). Here are some areas where people with a secure attachment style typically don't encounter issues:

Consistent Communication

Securely attached individuals are generally effective communicators. They are comfortable expressing their needs, thoughts, and feelings, leading to fewer misunderstandings and conflicts. They are also more likely to have constructive discussions about issues instead of avoiding difficult conversations or becoming overly anxious about them.

Balanced Dependence

Unlike those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles, securely attached people have a balanced approach to dependence. They are comfortable with interdependence, meaning they can depend on their partner when necessary, but also maintain their independence. This balance fosters mutual respect and cooperation in the relationship.

Emotional Stability

Those with secure attachment styles tend to be more emotionally stable. They don't often experience the intense, negative emotions that characterize insecure attachment, such as fear of abandonment (common in anxious attachment) or discomfort with closeness (common in avoidant attachment).

Trust and Security

Secure individuals have a strong sense of trust in their relationships. They tend not to worry excessively about their partner's fidelity or commitment and feel secure in their partner's love for them. This level of trust provides a solid foundation for the relationship to grow and flourish.

Conflict Resolution

Secure individuals are typically better at managing and resolving conflicts. They can address issues openly and honestly without resorting to blame or avoidance. This ability leads to healthier conflict resolution and less relationship turmoil.


Those with a secure attachment style tend to be more adaptable to changes in the relationship. They can manage transitions and challenges without becoming overly anxious or resistant, allowing the relationship to evolve over time.

Remember that everyone can work towards developing a more secure attachment style through self-awareness, therapy, and consistent effort. It's never too late to work on improving your relationships and attachment style. [9]

Personal Stories Of People Developing A Secure Attachment Style


Navigating a succession of dysfunctional relationships and marriages from 18 to 49, the individual struggled with toxic patterns and relationships despite years of therapy. A transformative shift occurred when they embraced a trauma-centered therapist, engaged in EMDR therapy and activities like yoga and dancing, which led to a period of self-love and firm boundaries.

Despite these advancements, they still faced a challenging period, learning how to avoid codependency and communicate effectively. However, with time and further therapeutic support, they entered a relationship with a person who had a healthy attachment style, discovering that it was indeed possible to have a passionate relationship without drama, reinforcing the importance of working on personal trauma and fostering self-love.

Read Firefluffer's story.


In their journey towards a secure attachment style, this person found self-help exercises from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and regular consultation with a therapist crucial in developing coping tools for anxiety. They also realized the importance of having a supportive friend network, which helped reduce dependency on their partner and understand that no one person can fulfill all their needs.

The transformation also involved a deep dive into self-discovery, cultivating personal boundaries, interests, and a sense of self-worth that helped overcome feelings of loneliness and past trauma. Acknowledging their emotional needs, they learned to provide for themselves before involving a partner in their life. Podcasts on self-development and journaling served as valuable tools in their journey, demonstrating that while paths to secure attachment differ, they are achievable.

Read Akistrawberry's story.


In the journey of self-discovery and personal growth, fostering a secure attachment style is pivotal for building healthy and fulfilling relationships. Remember, it's a process that involves self-reflection, understanding personal needs, setting firm boundaries, and most importantly, cultivating self-love.

As we navigate this path, let's embrace the transformation, knowing that while the road may be challenging, the reward is a stronger, healthier self capable of meaningful, mutually nurturing relationships.


Can an adult attachment style change over time?

Yes, attachment styles to romantic partners can change with time and experience. According to the attachment theory, as people go through different romantic relationships, they may develop new ways of relating to others that are different from their initial attachment patterns.

What is the difference between secure and insecure attachment styles?

Secure attachment styles are characterized by trusting relationships and the ability to feel comfortable being close to others. While an insecure attachment style, on the other hand, is characterized by mistrust, and difficulty building close social and personal relationships, and emotional connections.


  1. Harvard College: Attachment Styles
  2. Insider: How to develop a secure attachment style so that you can have healthier, more loving relationships
  3. Psych Central: Here Is How to Identify Your Attachment Style
  4. Circle of Security International: The Benefits of Secure Attachment
  5. MindBodyGreen: How To Rewire Your Brain To Have A Secure Attachment Style
  6. INDIGO INSIGHT COUNSELLING: Developing a Secure Attachment
  7. r/AnxiousAttachment: How would a person with a secure attachment handle getting ghosted?
  8. r/AnxiousAttachment: What is meant by "set boundaries"? What does that mean exactly?
  9. Journal of Organizational Behavior: Secure attachment: implications for hope, trust, burnout, and performance
  10. r/AnxiousAttachment: Has anyone successfully developed in a secure attachment style?

Why Do I Hit Myself When I'm Angry? Understanding Self Harm

Why Do I Hit Myself?
How To Stop
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Self-harm can be a coping mechanism for intense emotions, including anger. It may provide a temporary sense of relief or control, but ultimately can lead to more harm and negative consequences. It's important to explore the root causes of your anger and develop healthier coping strategies.

- Pay attention to what situations or emotions lead to the urge to hit yourselfu003cbru003e- Find healthier ways to manage your angeru003cbru003e- Consider reaching out to a u003ca href=u0022 target=u0022_blanku0022 rel=u0022noopeneru0022 title=u0022u0022u003etherapistu003c/au003e or support groupu003cbru003e- If certain situations or people trigger your anger, consider limiting your exposure to themu003cbru003e- Be kind and patient with yourself as you work to overcome these behaviors

u003cimg class=u0022wp-image-885u0022 style=u0022width: 150px;u0022 src=u0022 alt=u0022u0022u003eu003cbru003eu003ca href=u0022 target=u0022_blanku0022 rel=u0022noopeneru0022 title=u0022u0022u003eHealing From Self Harm: A Journal For Self Harmers with Positivity Guided Promptsu003c/au003e

Feeling extreme emotions like anger and having negative feelings can be difficult to manage, and it can sometimes lead to outbursts of physical aggression. A person may hurt themselves in order to release the built-up tension, overwhelming emotions, and anger. This is called self-harm and can be done in various ways, such as by punching, slapping, or even headbanging.

Self-harm is an act usually seen as an expression of frustration and helplessness, but it can also be a sign of an underlying personality disorder or mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety disorders. It is important to understand why this behavior occurs so that appropriate help can be sought if necessary as it can lead to serious physical injury [1]

Why do people self-harm?

Understanding the reason behind the question "why do i hit myself when I'm angry?" can often be a challenging conundrum. The act of self-harm, which may involve behaviors such as cutting or burning oneself to feel physical pain, can seem unfathomable to some. Yet, it's a complex issue with a myriad of potential causes, each of which warrants careful exploration.

Self-injury often serves as a coping mechanism for individuals grappling with overwhelming emotions, persistent troubling thoughts, or high-stress situations. It's a distressing strategy employed by those who, in their intense emotional state, may feel helpless or cornered. [2]

Personality disorders can also contribute to the propensity for self-harm, making it even more complicated to understand and address. However, regardless of the underlying reasons or the emotional relief it may provide temporarily, self-injury invariably leads to both physical and emotional pain.

Moreover, individuals who struggle with articulating their emotions may resort to self-harm as an unconventional and harmful means of expression. At times, these self-harming actions might also be carried out as a form of self-punishment for perceived wrongs.

Here are 4 reasons why people intentionally hurt themselves when they are angry:

To regain control and shift attention

Self-injury is employed by people who struggle to maintain emotional and mental stability. Achieving such stability requires diverting your attention from a more pressing issue to one that is less urgent. Self-inflicted physical pain, such as cutting or burning your body, is a very intense and potent sensation. [2]

Some people who self-injure do so in order to drown out the tormenting thoughts that occupy their heads. They might, for instance, be suffering from PTSD after experiencing trauma as a result of physical or sexual abuse, mental illness problems, overwhelming feelings, substance abuse use, etc. Their minds might be stuck in a loop where the assault keeps playing out in their minds.

They hope to find temporary comfort from the stress of self-injury by focusing their attention on the pain of the wound.

Impulse control issues

Some people's ability to regulate their impulses is severely compromised by mental health issues or brain traumas. Because they lack the protective buffer that instructs them not to hurt themselves, they could resort to hitting themselves. It's possible that the person's mind will convince them that harming themselves is the best way to cope with whatever is making them angry. [3]

To let out words you can't voice out

When you're angry or frustrated, you may be dumbfounded and unable to express your emotions through speech or writing. This may force you to hit and harm yourself, hoping this action would make your provoker or sympathizer understand your feelings. [4]

You can take this quick depression test to know if you're depressed and start dealing with the condition accordingly.

Because you're angry with yourself

Sometimes, you may be the source of your anger. You may be disappointed with yourself for your failed dreams, constant struggles in life, and misfortune. This self-directed anger may cause you to hit yourself and inflict serious injury on your own body. [5]

Did you know

Intrusive thoughts can fuel anger, leading to self-harm. It's a misunderstood coping strategy for emotional distress.
A man asking a therapist 'why do i hit myself when im angry'

Unraveling the Psychology Behind Self-Hitting When Angry

Self-harm, such as hitting oneself when angry, can be a distressing and puzzling behavior both for the individual experiencing it and those witnessing it. This form of self-injury is often a reflection of deep-seated psychological turmoil, and grasping its origins can aid in developing healthier coping skills.

The Trigger: Anger and Frustration

Anger: A Complex Emotion

Anger is a fundamental human emotion that spans a spectrum from mild annoyance to intense fury. It's our response to perceived threats or injustices, and it serves to mobilize our physical and mental resources to confront or evade the threat. However, when anger becomes uncontrollable or chronic, it can drive harmful behaviors like self-harm. [7]

Frustration and Helplessness

Frustration is another powerful instigator for self-harm. When our efforts to reach goals or satisfy needs are thwarted, it can lead to a profound sense of helplessness. Individuals who grapple with expressing these feelings or lack effective coping skills might resort to self-harm, such as self-hitting, as a tangible demonstration of their frustration. [8]

Self-Hitting As A Coping Mechanism

Physical Pain as a Distraction

For some, the physical pain from self-harm, such as self-hitting, temporarily distracts from the emotional pain they're enduring. This feeling of physical pain can seem more manageable or tangible, providing a momentary respite from psychological distress.

Regaining Control

Self-harm can also act as a misguided attempt to reclaim control amidst overwhelming emotions. By choosing to inflict physical pain upon themselves, individuals might experience a fleeting sense of power and control that they can't find in their emotional reality.

Expression of Self-Directed Anger

In some cases, the anger that drives self-harm is directed inward. Individuals may resort to self-injury as a form of self-punishment for perceived failures, errors, or inadequacies. This action could be an outward manifestation of low self-esteem and self-reproach. [9]

Helpful tip: The anger iceberg illustrates that anger is often a cover for deeper emotions. Understanding this can help prevent self-harm during anger episodes.

The Cycle of Self-Hitting: A Call for Compassion and Understanding

Recognizing self-harm as an indication of emotional distress rather than dismissing it as a plea for attention is vital in offering the right support. The cycle of self-harm, especially self-hitting, can be challenging to break without professional assistance, as the underlying issues need to be addressed.

If you or someone you know is engaging in self-harm, it is crucial to seek professional help. Therapists and counselors can provide strategies to manage anger and frustration in a healthy manner and help build a robust support system for the individual. Remember, everyone deserves help and understanding in their journey toward improved mental health.

A man who inflicts self injury walking around

The Impact of Hitting Yourself When Angry

The act of self-hitting when angry, while serving as a coping mechanism for some, can have severe physical, emotional, and social impacts. It's essential to understand the breadth and depth of these impacts to appreciate the urgency of seeking help and breaking the cycle.

Physical Consequences

Immediate Physical Harm

The most apparent impact of self-hitting is the immediate physical harm it can cause. Depending on the intensity and frequency, this could range from minor bruises and swelling to serious injuries that require medical attention.

Long-Term Health Risks

Chronic self-hitting can lead to long-term health risks. Repeated trauma to the body can cause lingering pain, physical disabilities, or permanent damage. Furthermore, frequent self-harm can also lead to increased tolerance to pain, which might escalate the severity of the self-inflicted harm over time.

Emotional Consequences

Reinforcement of Negative Emotions

Paradoxically, while self-hitting is often a response to negative emotions, it can also reinforce these very emotions. It can heighten feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and self-loathing, creating a vicious cycle of emotional distress and self-harm.

Stress and Anxiety

The act of self-hitting can also contribute to increased stress and anxiety. Individuals may constantly worry about hiding their injuries or living in fear of their loss of control, leading to an added layer of psychological distress.

Social Consequences

Isolation and Relationship Strain

Self-hitting can lead to social isolation. Individuals may withdraw from social interactions to hide their injuries or out of fear of judgment. This behavior can also place a significant strain on relationships, creating feelings of helplessness and frustration in loved ones who may not understand the reasons behind the behavior.

To learn more about how to prevent this, I suggest reading "How Anger Damages Relationships. Why Your Relationships Fail".

Stigma and Misunderstanding

Society often stigmatizes self-harm, which can lead to misunderstanding and further isolation. Individuals who self-harm may face judgment or rejection, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair. [10]

Interesting fact: PTSD can result in self-hitting as a coping mechanism. It's a physical manifestation of the internal emotional turmoil caused by trauma.

A man experiencing extreme emotions and hold his face in his hands

How to stop self-hitting

There are several ways to stop self-hitting and other acts of self-harm, including seeking professional help, developing healthy coping skills, and building a strong support system. With the right help and support from family members and a therapist, it is possible to overcome self-harm and lead a healthier life. [6]

You should try to limit the number of times you inflict physical pain on yourself

It's not easy to just stop doing something. Substance misuse, physical violence, and other methods of self-harm are all ineffective for many people. It's possible that going "cold turkey" won't work for you. That's counterproductive since it may lead you to believe that you can't recover from a relapse despite the fact that you can.

Cutting down on how often you self-injure each week is preferable. At first, try reducing it by a quarter of the time. Then, when you are ready, you gradually reduce the frequency until you no longer engage in it at all.

Employ distractions to change your mentality

When we're feeling down, it can help to 'have something to divert our attention for a while. It's easy to give in to destructive emotions and urges if you give them a lot of thought and attention. Alternatively, you could try doing anything else in place of the harmful things you've been doing to yourself. If you sense the need to hurt yourself, distract yourself by going for a run, reading a book, engaging in a hobby, or laughing at a hilarious movie.

Talk to someone

Self-harm is a scary issue, so it's best to talk about it with someone you trust and schedule joint treatment sessions with a mental health professional. The best place to feel comfortable sharing is with a family member, a therapist, friends, or a support group, but these resources aren't always available when you need them. You can consult a reliable mental health professional through the internet for Online Therapy.


Self-harm, in its varied physical and emotional forms, requires early recognition and intervention. Open discussions with a trusted individual and seeking professional help are critical steps in addressing self-harm. The benefits of online therapy, for instance, provide accessible resources for those grappling with such struggles.

There is a wealth of online therapy options available, offering help right at your fingertips, making it easier for you to reach out for assistance. Remember, prioritizing self-care is fundamental for your mental health and well-being. Don't hesitate to make use of these resources to ensure you're doing what's best for you.


Why did I start hitting myself when angry?

Self-injury can occur for a variety of reasons, including the need to vent frustration, self-hate, or resentment toward others or the need to release pent-up emotions.

Is hitting your head when angry normal?

Could this be considered typical behavior? Parents may become distressed if they witness their children engaging in head bashing. Nonetheless, pounding one's head occasionally is typically done for reasons of self-stimulation, self-comfort, or as an outlet for pent-up displeasure. This is not a precursor to any other issues.


  1. Self-harm
  2. Why people self-harm
  3. What are impulse control disorders?
  4. Hitting Yourself: Why You Do It, Why It's A Problem, How To Stop
  5. Why Do I Feel Like Hurting Myself When I'm Mad?
  6. 10 Ways to Resist the Urge to Self-Harm
  7. Pubmed: Anger, impulsivity and wall/object punching in a sample of U.S. veterans with psychiatric disorders
  8. American Psychological Association: A new look at self-injury
  9. Mayo Clinic: Self-injury/cutting
  10. Pubmed: Proactive coping style and intentional self-harm: A cross-sectional study
  11. University of Massachusetts: Risk Factors for and Functions of Deliberate Self-Harm

You Need To know This: Understanding the 6 Anxiety Recovery Stages

Anxiety Recovery Stages
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- Recognizing that you are experiencing anxiety and acknowledging its impact on your life
- Learning about anxiety, its symptoms, causes, and treatments
- Developing healthy habits to manage your anxiety
- Practicing mindfulness techniques
- Gradually exposing yourself to anxiety-provoking situations
- Continuing to practice self-care, mindfulness, and exposure techniques

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that people experience in their life to varying degrees. However, some people may experience anxiety to an extreme extent which leads to serious physical and mental health issues. Fortunately, there is hope for people suffering from anxiety disorders because recovery is possible. This article will look at the six Anxiety Recovery Stages, which provide a helpful roadmap to healing and lasting relief from debilitating symptoms.

About Anxiety Disorder

About Anxiety

Anxiety defines a group of mental health disorders that can cause feelings of fear, worry, or unease. People with anxiety may experience intrusive thoughts and physical symptoms such as sweating, difficulty breathing, and increased heart rate. From mild to severe, anxiety can take on many different forms, including panic attacks, social anxiety disorder, and phobias.

Anxiety is the most common mental illness in the US, with about 40 million adults suffering from it [1]. According to NIH, anxiety disorders can disrupt a person's life by increasing the risk of substance abuse, alcoholism, major depression, and even cardiac arrests[2]. However, a few people try to recover from it. Mentioned below are the six stages of anxiety recovery.

Note: There is no certain order to these stages. Depending on the individual, recovery may take different paths.

The 6 Anxiety Recovery Stages

Anxiety Test

Do our quick 10 question, convidential Anxiety tests and get a basic understanding of your current level of anxiety.

A woman with anxiety disorder feeling like she's walking on strings

How Anxiety Disorders Impact Daily Life

When discussing anxiety, it's critical to understand that its effects are not confined to occasional feelings of worry or stress. In reality, an anxiety disorder can permeate every aspect of a person's daily life, from work and relationships to physical health and personal well-being. Here's an in-depth look at how an anxiety disorder can impact various aspects of daily life.

Fun fact: Hormones that cause anxiety include cortisol and adrenaline, released during the fight-or-flight response, intensifying anxious feelings.

Impact on Work Performance

Decreased Productivity and Concentration

Anxiety can be incredibly distracting, making it hard to focus on tasks at hand. This could lead to decreased productivity, missed deadlines, or lower quality of work. An individual may find themselves constantly worrying, which diverts their attention from their responsibilities and duties.

Job Insecurity

The constant state of worry might also manifest in concerns about job security. A person with an anxiety disorder might constantly feel like their job is at risk, leading to additional stress and potentially exacerbating their condition.

A small family sitting together for a meal

Impact on Relationships

Communication Challenges

Anxiety can lead to communication challenges in relationships. People with anxiety may struggle to express their feelings or needs effectively, leading to misunderstandings or conflicts.

Social Withdrawal

In many cases, people with anxiety disorders may avoid social situations due to fear of judgment or criticism, leading to feelings of isolation and potentially straining relationships with friends, family, and partners.

Helpful tip: How to make friends when you have social anxiety - Start with small steps, join supportive groups or activities, and practice self-compassion to build connections gradually.

Impact on Personal Well-Being

Physical Health

Anxiety isn't just a mental condition; it can also have physical symptoms. These can include heart palpitations, headaches, digestive problems, and insomnia. Over time, these symptoms can lead to more serious health complications.

Emotional Exhaustion

Living in a constant state of worry or fear can be emotionally exhausting. This emotional drain can lead to other issues like depression, mood swings, or a general decrease in enjoyment of life.

Lack of Self-Care

People with anxiety disorders often neglect self-care. They might skip meals, have poor sleep habits, or not get enough physical activity. This lack of self-care can further exacerbate anxiety symptoms.

Here are some quick facts about the impact of anxiety on daily life:

A man with anxiety disorder and he feels like he's standing on glass

Stage 1: Acclimating & Starting the Work

The initial stage of anxiety disorder recovery involves wanting to recover the condition. In the first stage, those who are overwhelmed by anxiety symptoms will try to stop panicking and start accepting the reality of their situation. They realize however, that does not matter how hard they try, they can't control their problematic anxiety. Only then do they understand that they need help from mental health professionals and will start to look for one.

If your situation relates to this stage, consider yourself lucky, as only 36.9% of anxiety patients out of 19.1% population in the US actually seek help.[1]

Stage 2: Resisting the Process

In this phase, your mind resists the idea of getting help, and you might not be able to take your situation seriously or even see the need for help. You are afraid of what change your therapy could bring. However, you must move on if you want to recover.

Stage 3: Pushing Through the Resistance and Responding to Treatment

The third stage of anxiety disorder recovery is ignoring the resistance of your mind and trying out anxiety medication given by the doctor. You might hesitate at first, but you eventually try to accept and follow through with treatment. This is a difficult stage for many patients as it usually involves confronting your fears and accepting your mental illness. This stage is so fragile that you may stop taking medications at any moment.

Tips to push through this step: Once you start getting treatments, do not stop suddenly. Otherwise, you might experience withdrawal symptoms that mimic anxiety symptoms. Practice self-care and seek support from your family and friends if negative thoughts and feelings arise. Talk to your therapist when your mind tries to resist.

Stage 4: Doing the Work and Stepping Up the Game

This is the stage where you consciously try to work through anxiety. Other than taking medications, you will set up realistic goals and take actionable steps to reach them. You will also attend therapy sessions, join support groups, or try alternative treatments like yoga and meditation. You will see progress in your condition as you work to manage and cope with it.

Tips: Passing this stage will take time and patience, and it is normal to feel overwhelmed at some point. However, stay consistent with your treatment. Also, don't forget to take regular breaks to avoid stress.

Stage 5: Creating Confidence through Mastery & Self-Advocation

You are almost recovered. You can now start whatever you want confidently. You are starting to master your condition and advocate for yourself. This means understanding your needs and boundaries, participating in activities you enjoy, and having meaningful relationships with others.

Stage 6: Demonstrating Mastery

You are now fully recovered and thriving. You have full control over your body and mental health. Now you can recognize warning signs of relapse quickly and are actively involved in self-care.

In this stage, you may also try to help others with mental health issues, which is a good sign. However, do not stop your therapy sessions unless advised by your therapist. You must also continue self-care, such as exercise, healthy eating, and relaxation techniques. Anxiety can be controlled, but there is no cure for it [3]. So, stay connected with your support system, practice mindfulness and meditation regularly, and use the coping skills you have learned as long as you can.

A man feeling anxious and struggling to stay balanced

Debunking Myths and Misconceptions About Anxiety

In order to better understand and support those struggling with anxiety disorders, it's essential to address some of the common myths and misconceptions that surround these conditions. By debunking these falsehoods, we can help remove the stigma around anxiety disorders and promote a more empathetic and informed perspective.

Myth 1: Anxiety Is Not a Real Illness

The Truth: Anxiety Is a Legitimate Mental Health Condition

Many people mistakenly believe that anxiety is just a normal part of life and not a serious mental health issue. However, anxiety disorders are real and can have a significant impact on a person's life. They are recognized medical conditions with specific diagnostic criteria and treatment options.

Myth 2: People with Anxiety Can Simply "Snap Out of It"

The Truth: Overcoming Anxiety Requires Time, Effort, and Support

One of the most common misconceptions about anxiety is that people who suffer from it can simply "snap out of it" or "think positive" to overcome their symptoms. However, managing anxiety is a complex process that often involves a combination of therapy, medication, and self-care strategies. It takes time and effort to manage anxiety effectively, and support from loved ones is crucial.

Myth 3: Anxiety Is a Sign of Weakness

The Truth: Anxiety Can Affect Anyone, Regardless of Strength or Resilience

Some people might see anxiety as a sign of weakness or a lack of resilience. However, the truth is that anxiety disorders can affect people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds. It's important to recognize that experiencing anxiety does not make someone weak; in fact, many individuals living with anxiety display incredible strength and resilience in managing their symptoms.

Interesting fact: Children of a mentally ill parent are at higher risk of developing anxiety due to genetic and environmental factors, but early intervention can significantly improve outcomes.

Myth 4: Anxiety Disorders Are Rare

The Truth: Anxiety Disorders Are Highly Prevalent

Contrary to popular belief, anxiety disorders are not rare. They are, in fact, the most common mental health disorders in the United States, affecting millions of people each year. Recognizing the prevalence of these disorders is essential for raising awareness and promoting understanding.

Myth 5: Anxiety Is Always Caused by Stress

The Truth: Anxiety Can Have Multiple Causes

While stress can undoubtedly trigger anxiety symptoms, it's important to understand that anxiety disorders can have various causes. These can include genetic factors, brain chemistry, personality traits, and life experiences. It's crucial to recognize that anxiety is a complex condition with many contributing factors. [5]

Helpful tip

If experiencing PTSD, remember that healing is a process. Seek therapy, practice self-care, connect with supportive people, and be patient with yourself on the journey to recovery.

Anxiety Treatment Options

Anxiety Treatment Options

There are various treatment options available for anxiety and depression.


Anxiety disorder is a serious condition that can dramatically affect your psychological and physical well-being. However, with the right treatment and support, it is possible to manage anxiety and improve your quality of life. Taking the first step is the hardest, but with professional help, you can step through the recovery process and regain control of your life. Good luck!


How long does it take to recover from anxiety?

Depending on the individual, it can take from a few months to several years to overcome anxiety.

Can anxiety completely go away?

Anxiety disorders usually go away with the right treatment and self-care plan. However, you can not cure the illness completely. But you can manage it and cope with the rest of the symptoms.


  1. Facts & Statistics | Anxiety and Depression
  2. Anxiety - StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf
  3. Can Anxiety Be Cured?

The Truth Behind Why I Hate Myself and Healing Strategies

What Is It?
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Self-hatred, also known as self-loathing, is a negative and harmful emotional state where an individual holds an intensely critical view of themselves, often feeling unworthy, undeserving, or inherently flawed.

- Childhood experiences
- Trauma
- Societal expectations
- Mental health issues
- Peer pressure and bullying
- Constantly comparing oneself to others,
- Perfectionism
- Internalized stigma

- Childhood experiences
- Trauma
- Societal expectations
- Mental health issues
- Peer pressure and bullying
- Comparison
- Perfectionism
- Internalized stigma

- Therapy
- Self-compassion
- Mindfulness and meditation
- Challenging negative thoughts
- Journaling
- Support groups
- Building self-esteem
- Surround yourself with positivity
- Self-care
- Professional help

Do you have negative thoughts about yourself often? If so, you are not the only one. Many people feel bad about themselves and doubt their abilities, but it is possible to stop these destructive thoughts.

In this blog post, we'll show you how to move from self-loathing to self-love. We'll also outline some steps that might help you overcome your self-hate.

What does it mean when you think 'I hate myself'?

“I hate myself” - a phrase that’s more than just a fleeting thought. It’s an echo of deeper, underlying issues, often rooted in our past experiences of domestic violence, emotional abuse, gaslighting or verbal abuse. The tumultuous waves of such experiences leave scars, shaping our perceptions and emotions. [1]

“The wounds may not be visible, but they are as real and profound as the air we breathe.”

The Impact of Self-Hatred on Mental Health

Not liking yourself can make you feel sad and worried. If you already feel down or scared a lot, it can make you feel even worse. Studies show that people who don’t like themselves often feel sadder and more worried than others. It’s important to work on liking yourself more to feel happier and healthier. [2]

What causes self-hatred in someone?

Childhood and Parental Influence

The impact of childhood experiences and parental relationships on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being is well-documented and significant. Early life experiences, particularly those involving parents, play a crucial role in shaping a child's psychological development. Children raised in environments where mental illness is present, where they're forced to care for mentally ill parents, often face unique challenges that can influence their self-perception and mental health.

Narcissistic Mothers

In particular, daughters of narcissistic mothers encounter specific psychological hurdles of which can be read about in our blog 10 Things Narcissistic Mothers Do To Their Children And Why.

The complex dynamics of these relationships are explored in various resources, including books on healing from narcissistic mothers for daughters. These works provide insights into the patterns of behavior characteristic of narcissistic parents and offer strategies for healing and overcoming the associated psychological impacts.

The Impact of Infidelity

Infidelity can lead to a profound erosion of trust, resulting in emotional turmoil and, often, a negative self-outlook. Individuals who have experienced betrayal may grapple with intensified feelings of self-loathing, questioning their worth and value.

In this light, understanding how to build trust after infidelity is not just about restoring a relationship but also about addressing the deep-seated emotional wounds that contribute to negative self-perception.

Signs of self-hatred

A table about Therapeutic strategies for self-hatred

Common strategies to help combat self-hatred

Therapeutic strategies

The Role of Therapy in Overcoming Self-Hatred

Going to therapy can help people who don’t like themselves. There are types like CBT and DBT that are super helpful. They teach special ways to feel better, like paying attention to the moment, writing in a journal, or facing scary things little by little.

If you’re having a hard time liking yourself, think about getting help from a professional. They know lots of ways to help you feel better about yourself.[5]

Self-care strategies

Understanding and Acceptance

Understanding is rooted in the exploration of the psychological dynamics that underpin feelings of self-hate. It involves identifying and dissecting the cognitive, emotional, and experiential elements that contribute to negative self-perception.

For instance, individuals can gain insights and reflections through resources like movies about depression and self-harm, which can offer a nuanced perspective on the internal struggles associated with self-loathing.

Final Reflections

The integration of psychological insights, therapeutic interventions, and the supportive scaffolding of relationships and community fosters a space where healing is not just possible, but inevitable. As individuals navigate this path, each step, each revelation, serves as a testament to the indomitable human spirit’s capacity to transcend adversity, rewrite narratives, and emerge, not just intact, but empowered and renewed.


What are some strategies for developing self-compassion?

Here’s an easy way to start liking yourself more: whenever you think something bad about yourself, try to change it into something good. Do things that make you happy and relaxed, and spend time with friends who support you. When times get tough, have healthy ways to cope.

Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without labeling them as good or bad. If you catch yourself saying something negative, try to turn it into something positive. Also, remember to eat healthy and stay active to make your body feel good.

What are some healthy coping skills to manage difficult emotions and stress?

When you're feeling emotional or stressed, there are healthy ways to deal with those feelings. You can exercise to let out energy, take deep breaths to calm down, or write about your feelings in a journal. Talking to a friend or family member who you trust can also help. Try to focus on what’s happening right now instead of worrying about the past or future. Doing relaxing things like yoga or meditation can make you feel calm. You can also do something creative like drawing or painting to express your feelings and make yourself feel better.


  1. How Childhood Abuse Becomes Self-Abuse - Psych Central
  2. The relationship of shame, social anxiety and depression
  3. Research Gate: Self, self-concept, and identity
  4. Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself
  5. Self-Compassion: Compassionate Mind Training for People with High Shame
  6. USDOA: Strategies for Self-Care & Resilience

⚠️Disclaimer: The information provided on this health blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

Why Is Everyone So Mean to Me? Understand The Negative Treatment from Others

Have you ever felt like people are being mean to you even when you have not done anything wrong? You are not the only one. Many people have this experience at some point in their life. It can be hard to understand why this happens.

In this blog post, we'll explore some possible reasons why others may be treating you poorly. We will also provide some tips on how to cope with these negative experiences.


Remember that seeking professional help, such as online therapy, can provide you with the tools to cope with mean people and the emotional consequences of their behavior.
People tend to blame a single person and it's shown in the image

The Impact of Social Media on Mean Behavior

Social media platforms can inadvertently encourage mean behavior due to their design and the way they foster communication. The nature of these platforms often rewards attention-grabbing content, which can include controversial or inflammatory comments.

Additionally, social media allows people to engage with others without the social cues and immediate feedback present in face-to-face interactions, making it easier for users to post hurtful comments without considering the consequences. The algorithms used by these platforms can also create echo chambers, where users are exposed mainly to content that aligns with their existing beliefs, further polarizing opinions and increasing the likelihood of mean or aggressive behavior. [1]

Helpful tip: To combat social media addiction, set boundaries. Schedule designated screen-free time, limit usage, and engage in offline activities. Prioritize real-life connections and self-care.

A woman who's overcome her own insecurities

The Role of Self-Esteem and Personal Perception

Low self-esteem is closely linked to an individual's self-perception and interpretation of the actions of others. When a person has low self-esteem, they may have a negative self-image and tend to view themselves as unworthy or unlikable. This negative self-image can create a cognitive bias known as "negative filtering," where individuals focus on negative aspects of a situation while discounting or ignoring positive elements.

For example, when facing the question "why is everyone so mean to me," it's essential to remember that not everyone in your own life shares the same opinions or behaves in the same way. People treat others differently based on various factors, and personal power lies in recognizing these differences and responding accordingly.

By understanding the role self-esteem and personal perception play in interpreting social interactions, you can develop a more balanced perspective and avoid falling into the trap of negative filtering. This mindset shift will help you recognize that not all social encounters are inherently mean or negative and provide you with the tools needed to navigate these situations more effectively.[2]

Important: Online therapist influencers can provide valuable mental health insights, resources, and support. Follow them for helpful tips, relatable content, and to destigmatize seeking therapy.

An example of a girl with good self esteem

People are mean to you because of your own behavior

Emotional Factors

People are mean to you because of their own issues

Environmental Factors

Helpful tip

Understanding the differences between coping vs defense mechanisms can be key in dealing with people's negative behavior.
A young woman feeling uncomfortable because people are mean to her

Things you can do to improve your social interactions

Self-Reflection and Improvement

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries with mean people is essential for maintaining a healthy and positive environment in various contexts. Here are some detailed examples of setting boundaries in different situations:

At work:

At school

Within family relationships:

A woman going for a jog to help release negative emotions

Develop a Healthy Lifestyle and Support System

Cultivate a Positive Attitude

A woman meditating about her own behavior and managing her own anger

Strategies for Building Resilience and Emotional Strength

Building resilience is essential for effectively dealing with life's challenges and overcoming adversity. By developing emotional strength, individuals can better cope with difficult situations and maintain a sense of well-being. Here are specific techniques for building resilience:

Cognitive-behavioral strategies

These techniques involve identifying and challenging negative thought patterns, which can help to develop a more balanced and positive perspective. Cognitive restructuring, for example, involves recognizing irrational beliefs and replacing them with healthier, more rational thoughts.


Practicing mindfulness meditation can help to cultivate self-awareness, acceptance, and emotional regulation. By focusing on the present moment and observing thoughts and emotions without judgment, individuals can develop a deeper understanding of their emotional responses and learn to manage stress more effectively.


Writing about emotions, experiences, and thoughts can provide a healthy outlet for processing feelings and gaining insight into one's emotional state. Journaling can also help to identify patterns in behavior and emotions, which can be useful for developing coping strategies and building resilience.

Engaging in hobbies that promote well-being

Participating in activities that bring joy, relaxation, or a sense of accomplishment can help to build resilience by fostering positive emotions and reducing stress. Examples of such activities might include exercise, spending time in nature, practicing a creative hobby, or volunteering.

Building a strong support network

Cultivating relationships with supportive friends, family members, or professionals can provide a crucial source of emotional support and encouragement. Sharing experiences and feelings with others can help to normalize challenges and foster a sense of belonging and connection.

Developing problem-solving skills

Learning to approach challenges with a proactive and solution-focused mindset can help to build resilience by increasing confidence in one's ability to overcome obstacles. Developing problem-solving skills might involve brainstorming possible solutions, evaluating their potential outcomes, and implementing the most effective strategies.

Emphasizing self-compassion

Practicing self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding during difficult times, and recognizing that suffering is a natural part of the human experience. By fostering self-compassion, individuals can cultivate a more resilient and compassionate response to adversity.

Benefits of building emotional strength


It's important to remember that dealing with mean people can be challenging, but seeking professional help, such as online therapy, can provide you with the tools to cope with the emotional consequences of their behavior. By understanding the reasons behind mean behavior, setting boundaries, and building resilience, you can improve your interactions with others and feel more confident in yourself.


Why do people always seem to be mean to me?

Sometimes people who are mean to others have their own feelings of insecurity or lack of self-worth that they are trying to cover up. It’s important to remember that being subjected to someone’s rudeness does not make you a bad person or deserving of negative treatment.

What can I do to make people stop being mean to me?

Try not to take their words or behavior personally. It might help to remember that they may be dealing with their own issues and lashing out at you as a result. You could also try talking to them in a calm and respectful way to try to get them to see things from your perspective. It's also important to take a stand for yourself by speaking up when someone is mistreating you.


  1. Why Do Bullies Bully? - The Mazziotti Group
  2. Social Psychology Factors in Traditional Bullying and Cyberbullying
  3. Union Collage: Causes and Consequences of Bullying
  4. University of Washington: Violence in the home leads to higher rates of childhood bullying
    Boston Collage: Enhancing Social Interactions
  5. Loss, Trauma, and Human Resilience: Have We Underestimated the Human Capacity to Thrive After Extremely Aversive Events?