Understand And Get A Fresh Perspective On Anxious Avoidant Attachment (AAA)

Last Updated
March 1, 2023

What Is It?
How It Forms
How To Overcome
Helpful Products

Anxious avoidant attachment, also known as dismissive avoidant attachment, is an attachment style characterized by a person's difficulty in establishing close emotional connections with others while simultaneously desiring intimacy.

- Inconsistent caregivingu003cbru003e- Emotional neglectu003cbru003e- Dismissive parentingu003cbru003e- Lack of physical affectionu003cbru003e- High parental expectationsu003cbru003e- Trauma or loss

- Emotional distanceu003cbru003e- Difficulty expressing emotionsu003cbru003e- Discomfort with closenessu003cbru003e- Dismissive of others' feelingsu003cbru003e- Fear of rejection or abandonmentu003cbru003e- Overemphasis on self-relianceu003cbru003e- Limited emotional supportu003cbru003e- Difficulty trusting othersu003cbru003e- Avoidance of commitmentu003cbru003e- Disregard for attachment

- Recognize the signs of anxious avoidant attachment in yourself and reflect on how these patterns may be affecting your relationships
- Understand the origins
- Acknowledge your feelings
- Seek therapy
- Develop self-compassion
- Practice trust-building
- Set healthy boundaries
- Identify and challenge negative beliefs you may hold about relationships
- Slowly push yourself to be more emotionally open with trusted friends or partners
- Foster secure relationships
- Remember that change takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself

u003cimg class=u0022wp-image-996u0022 style=u0022width: 150px;u0022 src=u0022http://shrinks-office.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Attachment-Style-Anxious.pngu0022 alt=u0022u0022u003eu003cbru003eu003ca href=u0022https://amzn.to/3nB1tRZu0022 target=u0022_blanku0022 rel=u0022noopeneru0022 title=u0022u0022u003eAnxious Attachment Recovery: Move From Anxious Attachment to Secure and Build Intimate Relationshipsu003c/au003e

Have you ever felt like your emotions are like a wild ride at an amusement park when you're hanging out with friends or family? Or maybe, it's tough for you to trust people and feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you're close to them? If that sounds like you, you might be experiencing something called Anxious Avoidant Attachment, or AAA for short. Some people also call it Fearful Avoidant Attachment.

In this chat, we're going to explore what AAA is all about, where it comes from, and share some cool tips to help you feel happier and more comfy in your relationships with friends and family. Cool, right? Let's dive in!

What is Anxious Avoidant Attachment (AAA)?

Anxious Avoidant Attachment is like being super shy and not wanting to be around people because it makes you feel uncomfortable. Imagine if every time you thought about hanging out with friends, you felt like you might do something silly and everyone would laugh at you. That’s kind of what people with this feel like all the time.

People who have this often worry so much about humiliation that they avoid others. It's not just being a little shy - it's feeling this way a lot, and it can make it hard to make friends or even talk to people.

It's something that doctors and counselors can help with, so if someone feels this way, they should talk to an adult about it. They don’t have to feel stuck like this forever - there are ways to learn to be more comfortable around others! [1]

Pro tip: If you're looking to overcome your anxious-avoidant attachment, we suggest having a look at The Best 5 Books On Overcoming Anxious Avoidant Attachment. These books will guide you, and teach to to help yourself.

Origins of Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

Anxious-avoidant attachment often has its roots in childhood experiences, which play a significant role in shaping our attachment styles.

A table that outlines the behavior, impact, cause, and risk factors associated with Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

Childhood Experiences

Some kids who don't get steady and reliable care from their parents or guardians might end up with an anxious-avoidant attachment style. This means that sometimes their caregivers are there for them, and other times they're not, which can be confusing.

Because of this, the kids might not trust their caregivers much and might feel like they're on their own when it comes to dealing with their feelings.

So, these kids learn to depend on themselves a lot and try not to share their feelings with others because it feels safer that way. They might avoid getting too close to people because they're not sure if they can count on them to be there when needed. [2]

Parenting Styles

The way parents act can play a big part in making a kid feel this anxious-avoidant attachment. If parents are too strict or don't pay enough attention to their kids, it can make the kids feel like they're all alone and can't count on anyone.

They might become scared to get close to people because they worry about being let down or pushed away. So, they try to keep their distance to avoid those bad feelings. [3]

Factors Contributing to AAA Development in Childhood

Caregivers with mental illnesses that hinder their ability to provide necessary support, such as:

Caregiver behaviors that influence a child's attachment style, including:

  • Neglecting the child's emotional needs
  • Responding to the child's distress with anger or frustration
  • Discouraging the child's emotional expression
  • Being emotionally unavailable toward the child
  • Failing to provide a stable environment for the child
  • Offering unreliable or inconsistent care
  • Ignoring the child's needs
  • Constantly belittling or criticizing the child's emotions and behavior
  • Showing disinterest in the child's activities
  • Encouraging premature independence [3]
Signs of a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style graphic

Signs of a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

Individuals with a fearful avoidant attachment style may exhibit the following behaviors:

  • Avoiding physical contact
  • Experiencing difficulty forming close relationships
  • Neglecting romantic relationships
  • Displaying avoidant or anxious behaviors
  • Struggling with emotional regulation and resilience
  • Having trust issues, particularly with adults
  • Quickly distracting themselves to avoid difficult situations
  • Self-isolating or distancing themselves from peers
  • Employing avoidance tactics to prevent confrontation or intense emotions
  • Avoiding eye contact
  • Appearing withdrawn or disconnected
  • Seeming detached or unemotional
  • Experiencing sleep disturbances
  • Engaging in repetitive behaviors, such as rocking back and forth, twirling hair, or tapping fingers incessantly
  • Suffering from low self-esteem

Note: It's recommended to seek romantic partners with a secure attachment style to avoid toxic relationships. [5]

Overcoming Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

Getting past anxious-avoidant attachment means understanding your own feelings and thoughts better, thinking about them, and deciding to work on making your relationships stronger and healthier.

Self-Awareness and Reflection

The first step to stop feeling so scared and nervous about getting close to people is to understand your own feelings. Consider how you behave around others and how it might connect to your scared and nervous feelings.

Remember, the way you feel has a lot to do with things that happened in the past, but it's important to know that you can change and feel better. You're not stuck feeling this way forever!

Building Secure Attachment Patterns

To build secure attachment patterns, consider the following strategies:

  • Develop emotional self-regulation skills.
  • Cultivate empathy and compassion for oneself and others.
  • Establish healthy boundaries and communication in relationships.[6]

Seeking Professional Help

If you're having a hard time with feeling too scared and nervous to get close to people, it's okay to ask for help. Talking to a online therapy or counselor can help you feel better. They're like helpers who listen to your worries and help you figure them out.

There are even therapists on the internet you can talk to, so you can get help without leaving your home. You don’t have to face these tough feelings alone; there are people who can support you!

  1. Medications, such as antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, and beta blockers, to alleviate anxiety symptoms and make it easier to manage triggers

AAA is a tricky way of feeling, but you can definitely get through it with the right help. Talking to a therapist, especially one online, can be super helpful. They can help you understand your feelings better and figure out ways to change the things you want to change.

If you feel like being too scared or nervous is getting in the way of having good friendships or relationships, don't worry. You can use the tips from this blog and talk to a professional who can help you work through those feelings. You're not alone, and there are people who care and want to help you feel better!


What are the consequences of anxious-avoidant attachment?

Those with insecure attachment styles have difficulty forming and maintaining meaningful relationships. They struggle to trust others, feel insecure in their adult relationships and are prone to feelings of abandonment.

How can I overcome anxious-avoidant attachment?

Imagine if sometimes you feel really worried and it makes it hard to make friends or be close to people. It's okay because there's help! You can talk to a special kind of helper, like a therapist, who knows a lot about feelings. They can teach you cool ways to not feel so worried and make it easier to have friends.

How does anxious-avoidant attachment manifest in adulthood?

An anxious-avoidant attachment is like when someone , really wants to be close friends with others and feel a strong connection, but at the same time, they are very scared of getting hurt or rejected. So, it’s like they are always in a tug-of-war with themselves. They want to pull people close, but their fear pushes people away. It’s like wanting to join in a game with friends but being too scared that you might lose or that they might not like playing with you. So, you end up not joining in at all, even though you really wanted to play.


  1. Taylorfrancis: Patterns of Attachment
  2. Psych Alive: Disorganized Attachment
  3. Very Well Mind: Research Methods in Developmental Psychology
  4. Taylorfrancis: Patterns of Attachment
  5. Sage Journals: Adult Romantic Attachment
  6. How to Heal Your Attachment Style and Become Secure
  7. NLM: Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research, and Clinical Applications, Second Edition
  8. Mindsplain: Patterns-of-Attachment

⚠️Disclaimer: The information provided on this health blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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Jamie Armstrong
I have a passion for writing. I work as a Senior Marketing Manager for Islomania LLC. I have developed a strong interest in writing articles and website management during my time here. I enjoy both article writing, poetry, and story writing. In my role as a marketing manager, whether I’m writing an article, or a story, or improving other writers’ content, I always try to engage my readers and give them something to think about.
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